I feel like I have totally screwed up my life. I have budgeting, relationships, family and career issues. How can I insure that my children will have a roof over their heads, have good decision making skills and a happy, well-adjusted life?
Totally Messed Up – Dana – Seattle, Washington
Please don’t despair. Most everyone on the planet has felt your feelings at some point in his or her life. In fact, some of the most accomplished people in history (Albert Einstein, Bill Gates, Winston Churchill) were considered by many to be total failures before things turned around for them. The first step toward change is accepting where you are and realizing that you’re OK. The second step is to realize that you truly have the POWER in your hands. All journeys start with a single step. Let’s pick just one thing in your life that you want to work on. Don’t work on two or three at once. That’s too much. Just one. Pick the most important one to you, and then focus on it.
Put all of your energy into getting that one aspect of your life on a positive path. You don’t have to accomplish great things all at once. Just take one little step every single day. In a month you’ll be surprised how far you’ve come. The most important thing is not to quit or give up on you. The most successful people in the world did not start with great beauty, perfect spouses, large bank accounts or spotless credit. They usually started from “behind” and just resolved in their minds not to ever quit. You can do it, and we’re behind you all the way. Keep us posted.
I guess it depends on what you’re doing to fix it. You have got to make sure you are well adjusted first. As far as your kids, remember they are really smart; they know that you’re a mess. If you’re moving in the direction of undoing the damage, they may even learn from you and be calmed by you trying to fix it. One of the biggest stresses on a child is when they have to worry about grown-up stuff. You need to take the burden off of them and take responsibility for your life. Fix your career situation first, the stability of a good job works for everyone. As a simple improvement here is something you can do. Statistics say, if you sit down to dinner with your kids at least three times a week, the likelihood of them being better more communicative increases. Make it mandatory to eat dinner and have family discussions together without the TV on a few times a week. In terms of relationships, you didn’t mention whether you were married or not. If you’re single, don’t date. You need to get into a stable place – bringing someone else into the mix can confuse the issue. If you’re married, get into some marriage and family counseling. If you don’t have insurance, there are county programs available. As long as you are taking the steps, you should start to feel some relief soon.
That’s a mouth full! I think you need to break it down into smaller steps. Rome was not built in a day and neither can the life you want. First, start by viewing your life not as screwed up. “You are work in Progress” might be a more forward thinking affirmation to remember. Second, make a list of the things that you are grateful for in your life, like having your healthy kids, the ability to laugh and smile each day, etc. Then lastly, make a list of the things you want. It’s important for you to reach out for support. For example, if you are in huge debt, go to debtors anonymous. Regardless of your issues, there are ways to solve it. Take it one step at a time and know that just by asking for help, you are heading in the right direction…
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