Laura Hansen’s 5-days of Life Exercises on getting your BELIEVING to RECIEVING!

“Believing” – Five Day Series

LifeBites expert, Laura Hansen is an author of her new book, Hand Me A Wrench, My Life’s Out of Whack: Understanding the Decisions We Make and Discovering the Power to Change. Available on her web site: www.HandMeAWrench.com.  Check out her series on “Believing.” Do an exercise each day!

Day 1

“I Don’t Believe in Myself…” “Really? Do You Believe In Yourself More Than You Believe In The Easter Bunny?”

Have you ever really considered the phrase, “I don’t believe in myself?” Do you not believe in yourself the same way you don’t believe in the Easter Bunny? That you don’t exist? Or, is it more that you just don’t believe you have the strength to shape your existence?

In a way, if you don’t believe you can shape your existence, you might as well put yourself in the same category as the Easter Bunny – but without the chocolate eggs.

If you don’t exist, where did you go? Do other people have parts of you? Are you like a delicious pie that got sliced up, and then served to various people? All you have left is an empty pie tin? Is that what you’re looking at and declaring when you say, “I don’t believe in myself… because there is no more of myself within my control?

Now, we’re getting somewhere. It’s not pretty, but we’re getting somewhere.

Okay, here’s your “I’m More Real Than The Easter Bunny” exercise:

1. Buy or bake a pie.
2. Get a pie-cutting knife.
3. Cut the pie into slices according to who/what owns your life. For example: 1/8 slice for my mother; ¼ slice for my guilt about not working hard enough; ½ pie for thinking that I have no value; 1/8 slice for myself.
4. Eat the whole pie. Maybe not at one sitting, but be determined to claim that whole pie. As you eat the different sections, reclaim your ownership of your life from that influence.
5. As you eat each section, write down how you are going to live that part of your life your way. Have fun.

Optional Pie Therapy Exercise

1. Get some friends together.
2. Make a bunch of whipped cream pies
3. Assign each pie a significant influence that affects the enjoyment of each of your lives.
4. Begin throwing the pies at each other.

Day 2

“I Don’t Believe I Can Do It…” “Really? You Do It For Everyone Else.”

Odd, how you don’t think twice about helping other people get what they want. But, when you consider doing something for yourself, you get all jittery, self-conscious, guilty, and secretive.

You’ve probably had the experience of telling someone your plans and they ridiculed you. Asked you (or worse, they just thought it so you could see it in their eyes), “what makes you think you can do that” and “you really think you can succeed? Isn’t that a little out of your league?” To avoid future judgment you just keep helping others, at the same time scaling down your expectations of what you will accomplish in life.

I know I’m painting a pretty bleak picture. But, most of us do this to ourselves to a lesser or greater degree. Below is a game to help you feel excited and confident instead of self-conscious about living your life!

My Life — Your Life Roulette
This is a fun and revealing game. Once you get the hang of it, you’ll be able to play it in your head to help you make decisions that make you excited about living.

1. With regular white/colored paper, make 30 2”x2” squares.
2. Divide the 30 pieces into two piles of 15 squares
3. One pile is My Life, the other pile is Your Life
4. On the 15 pieces of paper in the My Life pile, write a different thing on each piece you’d like to do for yourself: goal, activity, adventure, relationship, friendship, whatever – make sure these are super cool things that make you feel happy, excited, and awesome.
5. On the 15 pieces of paper in the Your Life pile, write a different thing on each piece that you do to help other people.Your mind may go blank because you do so much for others without thinking twice. In fact, you may need to take notes throughout the day of all the little and big things you do for other people’s lives that do nothing for your own. Now, I’m not advocating you be an uncaring, isolated person — we’re talking about striking a healthy balance between helping yourself and helping others.
6. Put all 30 pieces of paper into a container (box/basket/bowl). Shake up the papers in the container.
7. Close your eyes, reach in, and pull one paper out.
8. Read it. Is it a My Life, or Your Life? What is your first emotional/physical reaction? If you pulled…
   1. My Life: what is the first step you’d like to take today toward that goal/activity?
   2. Your Life: How do you want to reply to this request for your help? Is this something that you’ll wish to do when asked? Or never again? How would you feel if you only did this request today and didn’t get to do any of My Life stuff.
9. Dump out the container on the table. Separate out My Life papers from Your Life papers into their original two piles.
10. Pick one from the My Life pile. Write out all the help you will need from others to get this done. Make a list of the people in your life who have the expertise to help.
11. When you are ready, ask them for help. The ones who are excited about helping you — and follow through — are the ones worthy of your assistance when they come calling for your help. This way you build a supportive community around you of people you enjoy supporting and who enjoy supporting you.

Everyone else can take a hike, don’t you think?

Day 3

“I Don’t Believe I’m a Good Person…” “Really? Like you don’t meet someone’s unreasonable expectations of purity of thought? Or, like you’re an axe murderer? I’m just trying to narrow it down.”

I will tell you up front that someone tricked you into thinking you aren’t a good person. They did this so they could feel better about themselves, exert emotional and psychological control over you, and enjoy watching you hate yourself as much as they hate themselves.

You allowed this because you most likely had to make a choice between accepting their judgment or not getting their love. Or possibly, physical pain or punishment was involved if you didn’t assume the unworthiness role. Regardless, you can remove these thoughts. These thoughts have been acting like Voodoo pins in your life, you might as well treat them accordingly!

Game: Removing the Voodoo Pins from the “You” Doll

This is a fun game because it reminds you are always in control, and always have the choice of what to believe as true about yourself.

1. Obtain or make a doll. You can make a doll out of fabric and rubber bands and some cotton balls — take about 10 minutes. Or, you can get a Barbie doll or whatever makes you laugh. It should represent how you looked and felt before the first thought came in (you may have to think back into early childhood or before that!)
2. Get about 20 straight pins. Pins with the colorful little balls on the end are good — festive!
3. Have some paper and pen/pencil to note taking.
4. Hold your doll in one hand, and your first pin in another. Decide what thought this pin represents. Ask yourself, there this pin should go to accurately represent it’s place in your soul (heart, head, throat, etc).
5. Insert the pin in the proper location.
6. Write down the color of the pin ball, the location of the pin and the thought it represents.
7. Repeat Step 6 until you think you’ve accounted for all of the thoughts that contribute to you not believe you are a good person.
8. Take a look at your doll. Imagine having a good thought about yourself with all those pins in there. Right… not easy.
9. Starting with the first pin you inserted, slowly remove it.
10. Referring to your pin/thought list, start with the first pin-related thought, write down your own belief/truth about yourself that you just freed by removing that pin.
11. Repeat Step 10 until all the pins are gone. Look at your new list of beliefs/truths about yourself and your goodness.
12. Keep the Voodoo doll around as a reminder that you decide to insert or remove the pins — no one else. And, if you do find yourself back in a “prickly” state of mind. Identify where and why you let a pin in, then take it out. Afterward, take a moment to acknowledge your belief/truth you just freed.

Day 4

“I Don’t Believe I Will Find Love…” “Really? No Naps or Cupcakes Where You Are?”

Okay, I’m not even going to waste time explaining it, or telling you a story. We’re going directly to the game. We’ll talk along the way.

For this game, you can use paper and pen, or you can audio record your thoughts, either way is fine.

1. Write/record all the little things you love/make you happy/make life a joy: pancakes, sea breeze, dog licks, cozy sweaters, a Saturday in the garage working on stuff, the sound of the local high school football game on Friday nights, etc.
2. Write down all the things you love about yourself: your laugh, your nose, the way you figure out problems, the feeling you have when you meet someone’s eyes and you know the two of you are thinking the same thing, how good it feels to stretch in bed when you first wake up, etc.
3. Compare the two lists. If List 1 much longer than List 2: You won’t FIND the love of another until you FIND the love you’ve got laying around within you. How can anyone see YOU if you are covered with dust and neglect?
4. Keep working on List 2 until it’s at least as long as List 1. You’ve got to be shiny, proud and smokin’ hot in love with who you are, otherwise you’re going to attract someone in the same dusty situation you’re in. If that’s what you want, that’s okay. Just know you are making that decision.
5. Find love in as many places as you can within you first, then you’ll find love everywhere else.

Find this and many other themes and life-affirming exercises in Laura’s new book, Hand Me A Wrench, My Life’s Out of Whack: Understanding the Decisions We Make and Discovering the Power to Change. Available on her web site: www.HandMeAWrench.com. To download a preview chapter as her gift to you, click on the icon below.

Day 5

“I Don’t Believe I Have Good Judgment…” “Really? All that Judgment, and None of It Good.”

Good judgment grows out of learning from your stupid, bone-headed, soul-crushing, humiliating, please-kill-me-now mistakes. Bad judgment settles in when you judge yourself for making the mistake in the first place, thereby learning nothing.

Now, to get out of this situation, you’ve got to do something that will take everything you have to be who you are. You’ve got to look at your life as if you were watching a movie. How would you look at your life, your intentions, your choices, and your path if you were an observer?

As you watched the movie would you say, “ Wow, what a moron. I can’t believe he did it that way.” Or would you say, “Well, he was trying to prove to his family he could be a success on their terms instead of his. He’s really an artist, but he opened a fast-food franchise. Of course he would fail, it’s not what he loves or what he’s good at.”

Within the above observation is a tremendous realization about your nature and your intent that you can use to guide all of your decisions. You can ask yourself, “Whom am I doing this for?” “ Is this my passion?” That allows your past experiences to translate into your good judgment.

Game: My Life — The Movie
As you play this game, go easy on yourself. Take one event at a time. Go slow. Give yourself time and mental space to write notes, reflect, connect dots, etc.

1. Approach one thing you did that you haven’t forgiven yourself for that leads you to believe you have bad judgment.
2. Write out your notes about why you REALLY made the decision/action. What can you see as the observer about this?
3. Why did it turn into a mistake/failure? What piece or pieces of information/understanding did you not have at the time that lead to the misjudgment?
4. How can you use the information/understanding you gained from the experience to guide your future decisions?
5. If you have a partner or friend you can talk this through with, that’d be great. They may have insights to support your process.

Find this and many other themes and life-affirming exercises in Laura’s new book, Hand Me A Wrench, My Life’s Out of Whack: Understanding the Decisions We Make and Discovering the Power to Change. Available on her web site: www.HandMeAWrench.com. To download a preview chapter as her gift to you, click on the icon below.