LifeBites Radio Summer 2010

Listen to LifeBites Radio on HealthyLife.net and KFWB CBS Radio, Los Angeles

From movies to music, LifeBites is no ordinary entertainment show. It’s the kind of format that delves into your psyche, and stimulates your mind with thought provoking topics. With celebrities, personal growth experts and everyday people, LifeBites gets you thinking about your life in a way you never thought possible. So get out of your head and into your soul, tune in and take a bite!

www.healthylife.net (on the world wide web)

www.kfwbnews98.com (Los Angeles and on the web)

Scheduled Line up

Missed a show? Go to: http://www.healthylife.net/RadioShow/archive.htm and listen in!

July 1st
Theme: The Fifth Agreement: A Practical Guide to Self-Mastery

From the author of The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom, A Toltec Wisdom Book – don Miguel Ruiz and his son don Jose Ruiz:

Thursdays 9a-10a PST (call-in show)

July 8th
Theme: EAT – The PLEASURE and the ISSUES around Eating – Featured Recipes

Thursdays 9a-10a PST (call-in show)

July 15th
Theme: PRAY – “An Hour with Guru Singh” Angels Gather Here: Nine Angelic Aspects of Human Life on Planet Earth (Volume 1)

Thursdays 9a-10a PST (call-in show)

July 22
Theme: LOVE
“Relationship Confidant”  Jonathon Aslay, a Dating and Relationship Coach for Women.

Thursdays 9a-10a PST (call-in show)

July 29
Theme: First Loves
Oscar nominated director Rob Reiner joins Nina to discuss his new film “Flipped”

Thursday 9a-10a PST (call-in show)

August 5
Theme: “The Journey Begins with an Ending” – Moving on after a Break Up
Thursday 9a-10a PST (call-in show)

August 13
Theme: “EAT PRAY LOVE” Starring Julia Roberts
Thursday 9a-10a PST (call-in show)

EAT, PRAY, LOVE SCORES A GOAL!

Eat, Pray, Love Scores A Goal!

By Rob Dionne

Elizabeth Gilbert knows what it’s like to spiral out of control and have to rebuild from the ground up.  Eat, Pray, Love takes us on part of her life’s journey through despair, confusion and doubt to enlightenment, clarity and awareness.  Making the decision to pick up the pieces and move forward in a positive direction hoping to find meaning is a true test of faith in ones self.  Elizabeth set a goal.  She wanted to “find herself,” her true self by letting go of the past and opening up to the possibilities of the future.

I’m not saying quit your job, sell everything you own and buy a plane ticket to Italy. I think you’ve probably got your life in a little more control then that.  However, maybe there are those things in your life that seem to be spinning out of control, things that we take for granted, such as our health and well being.  As a personal trainer and life coach, I help my clients realize their potential throughout all aspects of their lives.  Like Gilbert, we do this through GOAL SETTING.

Setting Goals is one of the most important things when it comes to success in life.  Ask anyone with a successful business and they’ll tell you have to have a game plan. If you see a clear picture of your goal, no matter how big or small, nothing can stop you from achieving it.  Why can’t we apply this same concept in our lives?  We all want success whether it be financial, physical, emotional or spiritual.  We’re all striving to get to the next level. If you set your goals you’re on your way. How do you do that?  Here’s just a few goal setting suggestions to get you started:

1.    Full-Marathon Goal – This goal should be the end result. You should have multiple Full-Marathon Goals for different areas of your life, but they should be BIG.  Don’t skimp on your Full-Marathon Goal.  Think about what you like to have in life and multiply that by ten.  That’s your Full-Marathon Goal!

2.    Half-Marathon Goal - These are the goals that will take a while to achieve.  Sometimes a month, sometimes a year.  They should be with the full intention of reaching the Full-Marathon Goal.  With the Full-Marathon Goal in mind the Half-Marathon Goals will be obvious.  They may be tough to get done but don’t let yourself get stuck on the little things.

3.    Sprinting Goals – These are the little things.  Sprinting Goals are your day to day goals.  If you were to add up all your Sprinting and Half-Marathon Goals they would all be pointed in the direction of the Full-Marathon goal.  Going to the bank and the post office or going for a run are Sprinting Goals.

Elizabeth Gilbert knew her Full-Marathon Goal.  She wanted to “find herself.”  Not in a way that was traditional, but in her way.  Through her travels she applied Sprinting Goals, experiencing amazing food and learning to speak Italian, Half-Marathon Goals, traveling from country to country with an open mind, and finally her Full-Marathon Goal, finding who she is in this world and her new purpose in life.  Because of successful goal setting, Elizabeth was able to get through a very difficult time in her life and come out a better person.

Setting goals can be an amazing experience.  It worked for Elizabeth Gilbert and it can work for you!

Love yourself, even when you’re angry

by Andrea Brandt, Ph.D., M.F.T.

Throughout her journey, Elizabeth Gilbert learned how to accept and LOVE all of her authentic self.  At the beginning of her journey, she was lonely, lost and depressed – so much so that she recalls ending up on the bathroom floor crying night after night. She was denying essential parts of her whole self and, therefore, she didn’t love herself.

LOVE means acceptance of the things within us that we might not want to admit or see as being part of our identity.  In my work as an anger management specialist, I’ve come across many people who believe that by spending time examining their own anger, they then become “someone with anger problems.”  This couldn’t be farther from the truth!  Anger is an essential part of all of us.  If we acknowledge it, we can use it as a thrust to help us get what we want in life.  If we ignore it (or any other part of ourselves) by suppressing it, then we get depressed or worse.  A person cannot form a clear identity if he/she is suppressing a part of himself/herself that is important but perhaps viewed as unsavory by the individual or society as a whole.

One way to examine your anger is allowing it to percolate (rumble inside of you and soak in) rather than immediately trying to discharge it.  There is a lot of information to be found in sitting with your anger.  With the anger present, ask yourself the following questions:

1.    What is the anger about?  Am I being triggered from the past or is it a present issue?
2.    Who am I angry at?
3.    How angry am I?
4.    Would a face-to-face discussion help me feel better?

Anger is a powerful emotion.  It needs to be handled in a responsible way.  Continue percolating with the anger for as long as you need in order to answer the questions above.  You could percolate for 24 hours, walking around and going to work, if you needed to!  If you decide that a confrontation is necessary, but you feel nervous about it- practice!  Decide what you would like to say.  After rehearsing, you may realize that you don’t need a response from the other person after all.  You can detach from a particular desired outcome that you may have envisioned in your mind.  You must be happy simply in confronting the person, as we all know that we can’t control the thoughts and behaviors of another.

By acknowledging and giving voice to our anger, we acknowledge and give voice to an important part of our identity, one that we may have been ignoring for years to our own detriment.  The answers many of us seek about life can often be found in the darker sides of ourselves.  It’s important to remember that anger, like all other emotions, is not evil or bad, but merely human.  It exists in all of us, and it can only be beneficial to examine what it is trying to tell us.

Juice Pray Love

As Elizabeth Gilbert journeyed from Italy to India to Bali seeking peace of mind and body, join the ChakWave ChakTox community journeying through the Chakra system. ChakWave promotes a healthy body, healthy mind, and healthy spirit via organic juice blends of fruits, vegetables, herbs, and spices. The seven delicious juices correspond with the seven Chakras.

Think of ChakWave as a healthy holiday. Stop mindless rummaging through cupboards, and stop spending oodles of money on prescription drugs. Take back your time and reclaim your willpower.

Cleansing the body to rid oneself of excess waste and disease via resting from foods for a period of time and drinking fruit and vegetable juices plus plenty of water is the goal.

We can look at cleansing our bodies in the same way as we look at maintaining our cars. If we never check, clean, or replace clogged tubes, and continue to drive them, they often break down.

Our machine from its conception was designed to run on pure, unpolluted, unprocessed fuel from Mother Earth. Drinking juices for multiple days differs from fasting, defined as water intake only. Detoxing helps in lightening your body, preventing physical degeneration by eliminating toxic build-up in tissues and organs.

ChakWave’s healthy detox supports you in feeling cleansed and operating at your full potential. Organic, living foods are used to create the enzyme filled raw concoctions. It truly is a physical, mental, and spiritual experience.

7 Chakras, 7 Days of the week…coincidence?  We think not.

To begin your personal journey, visit www.ChakWave.com.

Recipes to Inspire

Recipes to Inspire

by Christine Abella Giuliano

After 10 years of marriage, we don’t really go out on “dates” very often.  It’s not that we don’t go to restaurants…if it was up to Craig, we’d eat out every meal.  But, we don’t go out to eat very often.  Takeout is as close to restaurants as we come most days.  Of course, if I throw a big enough hissy fit, we go just so that he can shut me up…but you have to really use those sparingly or they lose their effectiveness.

I am usually okay with his restaurant choices for takeout, but our favorite Italian restaurant’s food just does not taste the same when we eat it at home.  And I am not just saying that because the restaurant serves all you can eat, made from scratch, garlic butter foccacia bread either.  So when the big dinner decision was made that he wanted Italian, and he suggested take-out, he got a really awful scowl thrown his way.  No hissy fit, just the scowl.

I’m no Italian, in fact I’m a Polish girl from Cleveland, but I think I make a pretty mean meat sauce/ragu.  So if Craig wants Italian, I thought I’d make some spaghetti with a meat ragu.

This is one of the best meals to make if you are trying to impress that special someone or if you somehow committed yourself to making dinner for that new guy you just started dating (and you have no idea what possessed you to make that offer, but now you are stuck with it).  The great thing about the ragu is that not only is it easy to make, but you can have it cooking while you’re doing other things, like cleaning up (stuffing all your clothes into your closet and under your bed).  The longer you can cook the ragu, the better it tastes.

Spaghetti and Meat Sauce – Courtesy of www.mymansbelly.com

Serves 4

Ingredients
•    2 Tablespoons Olive Oil
•    4-5 Cloves of Chopped Garlic
•    1 Large White Onion – Chopped
•    2 Tablespoons Dried Basil
•    1/4 Teaspoon Ground Cloves
•    1 Tablespoon Worcestershire Sauce
•    1 1/4 Pounds Ground Beef (lean ground beef 85/15)
•    3/4 Pounds Italian Sausage (casings removed and crumbled)
•    1 14.5 oz. Can Diced Tomatoes
•    1 15 oz. Can Tomato Sauce
•    3 Tablespoons Tomato Paste
•    1/2 – 3/4 Cup Dry Red Wine
•    Salt and Pepper to Taste
•    Parmigiano – Reggiano

In a large saucepan, over medium high heat, add tomato paste, diced tomatoes, and tomato sauce.  Stir to combine and then continue to stir frequently.  In a large pan, heat olive oil to shimmering and add garlic and onions.  Cook garlic and onion mixture until onions are very soft and begin to caramelize (heat should be turned to medium/medium-high).  Add 3/4 of onion and garlic mixture to simmering sauce.  Stir to combine, then stir in wine and basil.  Turn sauce down to simmer.  In pan with the remaining onions and garlic, add crumbled Italian sausage and beef.  Before meat is completely browned, sprinkle the ground cloves and a pinch of salt over the top and stir to combine.  Once meat is browned remove from heat.

At this point, the sauce should be reduced by half.  Pour off any liquid in the meat pan, then add meat to sauce.  Add Worcestershire Sauce. Stir to combine then continue cooking sauce to desired consistency.  Add salt and pepper to taste. Spoon sauce/ragu over cooked pasta or polenta then sprinkle with grated parmigiano-reggiano cheese

Read more: http://mymansbelly.com/2009/06/28/spaghetti-and-meat-ragu-the-perfect-date-dinner/#ixzz0t3qbBlzV

Stuffed Zucchini Flowers
by Christine Abella Giuliano

12     zucchini flowers
1    egg, at room temperature
1 c    ricotta cheese, drain off any excess water
½ c    grated parmagiana or pecorino romano cheese
2 tbls finely chopped green herb  (basil, oregano, thyme)
1 c    beer
1 c    all purpose flour
salt
vegetable oil for frying

-Gently pull open zucchini flower and reach in and snap off the stamen. You can leave the stem or the little zucchini attached at the end, just wipe with a damp cloth to remove any garden debris.

-In a medium bowl, beat the egg gently, and then mix in the ricotta cheese, parm cheese and the herbs together. Add a dash of salt and a few grinds of pepper. Let sit at room temperature for about 15 minutes so the flavors blend.

-Holding the flower in your left hand with the petals open, stuff with a heaping tablespoon of the mixture. Close petals around the mix and place on a plates. Do all twelve flowers.

-Mix the beer and flour together until you’ve made what resembles pancake batter. You can also substitute onion ring batter mix found in packets in the produce aisle.

-Next, heat the oil until a pinch of flour sizzles when it’s dropped in. Holding the flower by the stem and the tip of the stuffed flower, roll it in the batter until well coated.

-Lower the flower into the oil being careful not to burn your fingers. There should be 4 flowers cooking at a time depending on the size of your pan. Give them room to brown on both sides. I flip them with long handled tongs and let them drain on paper towels set on a warm plate.

-Now salt them with a chunky, crystallized salt.

-At the height of summer, eat them warm with a cool glass of Pinot Grigio… Delizioso.

Note: You can also substitute left over risotto, mashed potatoes or a piece of fontina cheese for the filling…

Mama Rigo’s “Gravy”/ Sauce Recipe (with Meatballs)

Primary Ingredients
Garlic:  2 Cloves (whole)
Olive Oil
Onions:  1 medium (chopped)
Crushed Tomatoes (not puree):  1 lg can (imported if possible)
Tomato Paste: 1 sm can
Parsley (dried & fresh)
Bay Leaves
Salt & Pepper
Hot water (boiling)

Optional Ingredients
Italian sausages:  2 sweet, 2 hot
Pork chops:  1-2
Meatballs
-    Lean ground beef (approx. 1 lb)
-    Bread crumbs (seasoned)
-    Onion:  1 sm (chopped)
-    Egg: 1
-    Grated cheese  ( a mixture of Sado & Romano is preferred, but Parmesan or Reggiano are fine)

Directions:
Cover the bottom of a large pot with olive oil.
Sauté the chopped onions and garlic cloves in the oil until brown.
Add dried basil, parsley and bay leaves.  Add large can of crushed tomatoes and rinse can with hot water (approx. 1/3-1/2 full).  Add fresh basil, fresh parsley and salt & pepper to taste.  Let cook for 15 minutes.  Add can of tomato paste and rinse can with hot water (again, not full).  Let cook (on low) for 2-3 hours, stirring occasionally.  If using meat, brown pork chop and sausages before adding tomatoes.  Either brown the meatballs separately or add them in after the tomato paste to cook with the sauce.

Directions for Meatballs:
Add approx. 1/2 -1 cup breadcrumbs (seasoned),  egg, chopped onion approx. 2 T grated cheese, salt, pepper and parley (dried & fresh) to lean ground beef.  Roll into small-medium sized meatballs.  Options:  Pan sear the meat in the pan before adding tomatoes or after sauce is cooking.

©Marie Elena Rigo 2002.

Eat, Pray Love: The Pleasure of Nourishment

I applaud Elizabeth Gilbert’s four month experiment in Italy. Eating her way through Rome, Naples, Sicily – savoring every bite of pizza, gelato, and pasta. Really?? you might ask, a Holistic Nutritional Counselor is saying “Way to Go! Eat all the cheesy pizza you can!” Yes I am, and let me tell you why…

It brings up the question, how do we nourish ourselves? Why do we choose the foods that we choose?

I am one of those people who has always read all kinds of nutrition books – it is not strange to find me leaving a bookstore with ten different books on ten different diets. Every one has a different theory on what is the best breakfast, how to prepare your food, and which diet is the fastest way to an ideal physique. Most of these books address what you should be eating. And this is obviously very important – I think we can all agree that a diet based in whole, nutritious foods is an important factor in feeling and looking your best.

But perhaps an equally important question is: Why you eat the foods you eat?

Food is one of the most intimate relationships we have in our lives, and it is definitely our longest. From the time we are conceived to the time that we die, we require nourishment. Figuring out how to feed ourselves to create a happy and healthy life can be one of the most challenging (and frustrating) tasks we face.

In its simplest form, food is fuel. It is the building blocks for our cells, organs and systems of our body. What we eat literally becomes our blood and then our cells, the tissues of our organs, the energy we use to fuel our lives and eventually even our thoughts and feelings about life. We all know this instinctually – you feel differently if you eat a bowl of broccoli than if you eat a burger and fries.

But even knowing this, it is rare to find a person who is solely using food for fuel. So many things get attached to our relationship with food, we use it fulfill all kinds of emotional needs – pleasure, love, comfort, reward, punishment, shame, distraction, and on and on.

And guess what, everyone does (or has done) this in their life – used food to fulfill an emotional need. Many of us had parents or teachers who told us if we were good, we would get a piece of candy. Or come home from a particularly hard day and drowned our sorrows in a pint of ice cream. The use of food for emotional fulfillment is ingrained in our society and we absorb it from our first experiences with food. It is the fastest way we know of to make ourselves feel better.

And it is not bad – getting pleasure from the food that we eat. Enjoying each morsel of an amazing dinner, where you had just what your body was asking for and you feel happy and satisfied the rest of your evening. Or as Elizabeth details, “nearly crying over the perfection of [the pizza]”.

But that is not how most of us experience our food. Most of us do not have an enjoyable relationship with food – we fluctuate between eating food we think we “should” eat, and bingeing on foods we “shouldn’t” and then beating ourselves up over it the rest of the day/night/week. It becomes a game of willpower and we use it to determine our self worth.

But here’s the thing: no food is inherently bad or good. Broccoli doesn’t come with a halo. And chocolate doesn’t wake up in the morning and declare it’s intention to mess up everyone’s life. You don’t become a bad person simply because you eat a chocolate chip cookie; or become a good person because you had a salad for lunch. Food is just food – it is the way that it is used that is worth exploring.

So this week, I am inviting you on a journey – to discover why you actually eat the foods that you eat.

The first step is to be present with the foods that you are eating.

When you sit down to eat your meal – whether it is at your desk or at your dining room table – take a moment to look at the food that you are about to eat, notice the colors, the smell, the textures. When you take a bite, slow down and become conscious. Be aware of the flavors that burst forth at first and then how the flavor and textures change as your teeth and saliva break the food down. What do you like about it? Or if you find out you don’t like it, ask yourself why. Chew the bite completely (until it is liquid in your mouth) before you swallow it. Breathe as you chew. Allow the chewing to bring you back into your body and the present moment. Do this for at least the first few bites of each meal. Not only will it help your digestion, you will find out some interesting things about the foods that you enjoy and why.

The next step is to find out why you eat the foods that you eat.

For the next week, before you eat your meal (or snack), ask yourself Why did I choose this food to eat? Out of all the foods and meals that you could have chosen, why this one? You may want to jot it down in a modified “food journal” and take a look at the end of the week to see if there are any patterns. Are you choosing foods because they are fast, because you are tired, because you are bored or lonely? Notice how often the food choices have to do with emotional needs rather than actual body cravings.

And now, make some life changes towards addressing what you discover
As amazing as food is, it cannot solve our emotional needs. Not really. So start to address those needs and let food go back to being and enjoyable way to fuel your amazing life.

Start small and make each change easy to accomplish. Once you have accomplished that easy goal, set another small goal. For example, If you discover that you are tired a lot and using food/caffeine for quick energy, then ask yourself: Is it possible to get an extra half an hour of sleep a night? Just get into bed a half an hour earlier than you are now. If that feels too hard, make it 15 minutes earlier. Once that has become routine, try for another small increment and another until you are getting the amount of sleep that is right for you.

Most importantly, go easy on yourself with what you discover. It takes a lot of courage to take a look at how we have been choosing to nourish ourselves, and what that might bring to the surface. Go slow, and be kind.
Awareness is change.

Christy Meyers, CHHC AADP
www.howtochow.com
info@howtochow.com

Featured Topic: A New Journey

It’s time to get on a new road, make a shift and begin your journey to a new life! Whether your inner journey takes you to new exotic places, or simply your own backyard, the wonderful thing about a new journey is we get a chance to walk away from the past and start fresh on a new road from the present and into our future.

Sometimes in the beginning of something, we feel uncertain or unclear of what to do. If you find yourself having a lot of challenges starting your new path, ask yourself why you want to take a journey to begin with. This is a wonderful time for contemplation and reflection. Elizabeth Gilbert had a purpose for each step of her journey. You simply can’t say, “I want something different.” Ask yourself some questions like:

“What do you want to let go of and leave behind?”
“What new things do I want to create in my life?”
“What journey will I take to create my better life?”

Asking yourself these types of questions helps to formulate your sense of direction and lead you to your next steps. The key is to “embrace your life lessons with the willingness to learn and grow with an open heart.” Meaning, in order to take a new journey, you have to do the work and shift internally first.

Elizabeth Gilbert says, “Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings.”

She also says, “Stop wearing your wishbone where your backbone ought to be.”

This means you have to get strong, develop fortitude and commit to change. This can be another year of empty wishes or an opportunity for a new way, a new questioning, a new discovery, a new exploration. But, in order for that change to happen, you have to take the first step. The choice is right in front of you; the fork in the road is here!

I believe there are no coincidences in life. You are attracted to this topic because there is a stirring inside of you, whether or not you are ready to act on that “inner knowing.” This is the moment when you need to ask yourself: “Will I take the same old road – same day, same bat channel? Or, will I embark on exciting adventure, to challenge myself to have what I really want in life?”

It’s up to you, the road is waiting…and the journey awaits!

Laura Hansen’s EAT PRAY LOVE series

Elizabeth Gilbert, the author of Eat, Pray, Love took us on her journey to find the life within her she always wished to live buried under the busy-ness and clutter we all experience in our day.

At some point, if we’re lucky, we ask ourselves “Who’s life am I living? Is it mine? How would I know?” The following MP3 audio exercises give you playful and provocative avenues for exploring your inner landscape to find your hidden passions and purpose.

Day 1
Your Life – Your Dream is Real

Day 2
Your Love – Finding a Thing That Is Everywhere

Day 3
Your Passions – Hiding in Plain Sight

Day 4
Your Purpose – Seeps from Your Pores

Day 5
Your Commitment – You Can Live Your Ideal Life – But, You Don’t Have To

I hope you have found these exercises fun and thought provoking. For many other themes and life-affirming exercises, check out Laura’s new book, Hand Me A Wrench, My Life’s Out of Whack: Understanding the Decisions We Make and Discovering the Power to Change. Available on her web site: www.HandMeAWrench.com.

Denise Hall Helps Press that Restart Button

Cleanse your Mind and Body

Denise is one of the LifeBites Experts and CEO/Owner of Salus Lifestyles. She has been fitness-coaching individuals and groups for nearly 16 years, and considers it a high calling to help people achieve fitness-success.  She believes that “Building a strong foundation within yourself will transform your life!” 

Check out her podcast on how to do a “Cleanse”
PushThatRestartButton

Mangia! Now that’s Italian!

There are a million things to love about the Italian culture: the language, the warmth, the traditions…But, none more inspiring is the food.

I’m Italian and love to cook. I’m not a chef, but I am inspired by creativity, nurturing and love that can be expressed and communicated through food.

My mom is affectionately known as “Mama Rigo” to many of my friends. Having people over for dinner always was, and still is, a major event – with an abundance of food, wine and conversation. Meals were multi-course and lasted several hours. No, eat and run or “In & Out” at our table.

We learned to appreciate the art of Italian cooking from an early age. There’s very little measuring or following recipes, rather just a “knowing” that the quality of the food and the intention with which it’s made will carry the dish.

I use this approach in my own cooking. I rarely worry about “how much of this” or “how much of that” to put into something. Instead, I “play” and experiment using my intuition as a guide. Each time, I learn something new about how flavors work together and what to change or adjust next time.

It’s interesting to note that every dish has its own “imprint” created by the cook. My mom and her three siblings all follow the same basic recipe for their family’s sauce or “gravy,” yet each has a unique flavor and characteristic. Mine too – although, I make a garlic-free version because of an allergy.

While we grew up fairly frugal, my mom never skimped on groceries or food. The freshest and best ingredients make any Italian meal even better – and as she would say, “Anything you cook at home is better for you than something you could get outside.” Why? Because you know exactly what’s in it and it’s made with care and love.

Escarole soup, homemade sauce/gravy with meatballs, fresh white fish baked with lemon, butter and breadcrumbs, stuffed artichokes/mushrooms, prosciutto-wrapped asparagus, chicken saltimbocca, veal marsala, caprese salad with fresh basil are some of my favorites.

What are you inspired to cook tonight?

If you are in the mnood to do a little cooking, check out some of our hot summer recipes http://www.lifebites.com/?p=2316

The Remarried Life Journey – 8 Techniques for a More Fulfilling Relationship

By Susan Davis-Swanson

Eat, Pray, Love tells the story one woman’s journey to self-discovery. Some critics have said “She went to discover who she was without a man, and then ended up with a man anyway.” That truly misses the point. Gilbert went on her journey to grieve a breakup. At first, she was unable to truly transform from her devastation and stayed mired in it for a very long time. After awhile, she was groveling and stuck in her pain. Then, Gilbert embarked on the deeper journey, talking with others, being quiet in meditation and allowing her grief, hurt and pain to move. She let her fears, vulnerabilities and aspects of herself she had been unwilling to see appear. Dealing with her sorrows and fears on a deeper level eventually became transforming. By the end of her journey, she knew herself in a way she never had before because it was a time of growth for her soul.

Only then, was she able to draw to her a partner who fit her, who was right for her, right for this more fully formed woman. If she had met him before her self-discovering journey, she likely would not have kept him because she had not faced aspects of herself that needed to be faced and dealt with to be ready for this man.

In a remarriage, not emotionally divorcing our ex brings unnecessary heavy baggage into a new relationship. So many people after a divorce or breakup bypass the grieving, quickly entering into a new relationship for relief. But in doing that, often the wrong partner is picked, often the baggage from the breakup remains and the opportunity to evolve and enlighten has been missed. So the problems from the first relationship repeat in this new relationship, and then the mantra of “this relationship doesn’t work for me” is repeated. If we repeat things enough times and go through life doing the very same things, we will get the very same results.

Without Pain, We Cannot Truly Grow
We all hate pain, and try to avoid it at all costs. But without pain, we cannot truly grow. But, if we look at struggles and challenges as a pathway to growth, we can move through life as a journey of evolving as human beings.

Remarriage starts off with hope that this time it will be better. That “I” will be better because of the new love, which will be different from the last, defective love. But all too often, without really looking at who we are, we will exhibit the very same behaviors we did in the relationship that broke up. And we will carry our hurt, anger and unresolved issues into a new relationship with us. We can continue to avoid our feelings, blame our hurts on the other person (the easiest thing to do) or do the hard, hard work of going within and looking at ourselves.

8 Ways to Heal Your Pain

We all have dark nights of the soul. “Why me?” “What did I do to deserve this?” “Why we break up?” “What if no one is ever going to want to be with me?” These questions are asked sincerely, from a place of deep hurt and pain. When we are in this place, we cannot see the way out or think we can ever feel differently again. But we can. To do so, we must go through the grieving process.

Every breakup is a kind of death – a relationship has ended and with it, all of our hopes and dreams. And so, we go through the stages of grief. We go through denial at first, where we feel somewhat normal for awhile, then we will feel the anger. We will bargain, with ourselves, with our former partner, with God. And there will be periods of depression and times of roller coasters of emotion. This can go on for months, but when we work through grief we will eventually come to a place of acceptance. From that place, we can move on.

We all have a “shadow side” – Carl Jung. We all have our good qualities, and who among us doesn’t just want to see how good and wonderful we are? Seeing our shadow side is very uncomfortable. We don’t want to see our vulnerabilities, our self-centeredness, our fears of being alone, our insecurities or how our actions led to the end of the relationship. I know I hate seeing mine. But without seeing our shadow side, we deny ourselves becoming fully formed souls. This is part of our wholeness. We cannot truly evolve when we don’t know this side of ourselves.

Learn about the “unconscious contracts” you are making. We all have things in life that will bring us to our knees. Breakups hurt because they go to the very soul of us – our deepest vulnerabilities that we are not enough. “I will never love again” or “I will never trust anyone again” holds us hostage and makes us victims of our experiences. We delude ourselves into believing this is a way to avoid hurt in the future. Or if we do re-partner without resolving or facing these fears, we can destroy this relationship because we are withholding a part of ourselves to prevent ever being hurt again. These are unconscious contracts we make when we have been hurt that prevent us from living fully.

Stay in the moment. In other words, deal with this one today and don’t worry about what is coming tomorrow because you cannot control the future. Deal with what is right in front of us, not what “might be.” This break up. This hurt. This loss. Yes, there will be pain. But stay right here – do not futurize because you never really know what the future holds. Neither our fears nor our depression speaks to us clearly. Ever. So stay here, dealing with this moment in your life. And then take it one day at a time.

Face the pain and hurt. None of us want to hurt. No one asks for hurt and pain and suffering, but we all get our share. Look at people who seem to have it all who still cannot stop the death of a loved one or an illness. Life can be seen as something to fear, so we try to avoid our feelings, often with anger, depression, a substance of choice or by carrying our pain with us into the future. We delude ourselves into thinking that if we don’t face it we won’t feel it, then all we do is carry the hurt and pain with us and add it to our baggage. That bag can get very heavy in a lifetime!

Ask for help. Seek guidance through therapy, a spiritual counselor or meditation. Don’t go on this journey alone. When Gilbert went through her journey, there were many people along the way who helped her, held her and listened to her. We all need help through our pain and suffering, even when we feel no one else understands. Find a support group or a therapist who can help you. Turn to trusted family and friends. Don’t isolate yourself.

Go within. When I have to go within, I often find myself at the beach, with a journal, writing out my feelings. I never know how long the process will be but now, through many life experiences, I know if I go within to face my fears and pain, somehow, miraculously there is always another side. While the urge to run and the desire to go away for months is there, it is not a reality. Learning to listen to the deeper you will be more enlightening than listening to the chatter in your head.

Trust that this will lead to growth. None of us can see this at the time – ever. In hindsight, when you have suffered through it and faced it, you will then see how these events have been an opportunity for you to grow more fully. If you hold onto the concept that you will actually grow from the pain no matter how much pain you are in, there will be the day that you will see the light at the end of a long, dark tunnel. When you come out the other side, you will find yourself stronger.

Take the Journey of Life
Your life is your journey – it is a unique journey and it belongs to you. A full journey of life has many downs along with ups. It’s through the downs that we grow, evolve and expand. From fully experiencing the downs, we can also more fully experience the ups, whether they be joy, happiness or love. Make it a truly wonderful journey of your life! Eat, pray and do the hard work so you can truly, fully love and have the relationship you’ve always wanted to have.

LIFE is about the Journey

By Michele Kabas

On the road to spiritual fulfillment, we often explore different avenues to fill the void in our soul. In Eat, Pray, Love, Elizabeth Gilbert sets out on a one year journey to find herself, taking not one, but three different and unique avenues on her quest.

EAT: Elizabeth Gilbert starts her journey of self-discovery with food. We eat for many reasons. We eat to celebrate life, to break bread with friends, to taste food and to taste life. Certainly this warms our hearts at times and the tastes can be exquisite. But what really fills us up? Certainly, Gilbert ate her way thru Italy, but also shared some wonderful experiences, including some with a beautiful Italian man. The enjoyment of her meals was also paired with the enjoyment of good company and interesting conversation. What are our real hungers? What is the emptiness and search for fulfillment really about? Perhaps our search is really about spiritual hungers which seem to be missing inside and which is there for all of us. We may turn to food to fill the emptiness, but what do we really need?

PRAY: How do we define prayer, especially when we do not have a religious affiliation? The answer is always within. In our western society, we are always on the go – multitasking and barely taking any time to sit with ourselves and allow for any feelings that may come up. Why are we always on the run? What are we running away from, or to? We need to take the time to sit with ourselves. It doesn’t have to be as extensive as four months in India in an Ashram, as with Elizabeth’s journey. We just need a little time out of our day to just be. Healing is to connect with our true essence, with our true selves and learn to love and appreciate who we truly are. Meditation opens us up to love, to acceptance of ourselves as we are and, in turn, opening up to others. One of my favorite and inspiring authors, Lama Surya Das, who wrote “Awakening the Buddhist Heart,” speaks about opening up to love. “Buddhism teaches us how to transform ourselves so that we will be able to love as purely, as unselfishly, and unconditionally as the Buddha loved. For love is our true purpose, our true calling.”

LOVE: How do we find true love and openly connect to someone else if we are disconnected from ourselves, and have not yet come to appreciate and love the perfect person that we are? Yes, perfect. Now, perfect does not mean without flaws. We are human, and perfect in our imperfection. When least expected, Elizabeth found love only after she had let go of the expectations, judgments and opinions of others. She decided this was her life, her journey and she was no longer going to be dictated by what others thought she should do or whom she should be or be with. Be true to yourself, love yourself and love will come into your life in unexpected ways.

Five Ways to Find Your New Road

By Heather Rem, Life Coach

In order to get your life started in a new direction, here are five ways to help you on your NEW JOURNEY.

1. Stop and reevaluate your life. Take an afternoon or several days and really contemplate your life. No distractions of the demands in your daily life. Be somewhere that your mind can just float and you can just “be” for a while. Strongly recommend alone time in doing this process.

2. Make a list of the positive and the negative things and what areas you want a change. Writing it out makes it more concrete and easy to see and understand more clearly.

3. Decide if you need help with an area that is weak or needs improvement, and if so who will you contact? (Therapist, life coach, mentor, clergy, etc.)

4. Make a commitment to action. You can’t take a new road if you are not moving. A new road means new ways, and new adjustments. These boots were made for walkin’ applies here!

5. Have fun, find the humor and laugh. A New Road means finding the fun along the way!

BookBites

Looking for a little inspiration for your own journey? Check out these great books to help you find your way. See below to learn more about the books and click to buy!

Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman’s Search for Everything Across Italy, India and Indonesia
By Elizabeth Gilbert
Gilbert (of The Last American Man) grafts the structure of romantic fiction upon the inquiries of reporting in this sprawling yet methodical travelogue of soul-searching and self-discovery. Plagued with despair after a nasty divorce, the author, in her early 30s, divides a year equally among three dissimilar countries, exploring her competing urges for earthly delights and divine transcendence. First, pleasure: savoring Italy’s buffet of delights — the world’s best pizza, free-flowing wine and dashing conversation partners — Gilbert consumes la dolce vita as spiritual succor. ‘I came to Italy pinched and thin,’ she writes, but soon fills out in waist and soul. Then, prayer and ascetic rigor: seeking communion with the divine at a sacred ashram in India, Gilbert emulates the ways of yogis in grueling hours of meditation, struggling to still her churning mind. Finally, a balancing act in Bali, where Gilbert tries for equipoise ‘betwixt and between’ realms, studies with a merry medicine man and plunges into a charged love affair. Sustaining a chatty, conspiratorial tone, Gilbert fully engages readers in the year’s cultural and emotional tapestry — conveying rapture with infectious brio, recalling anguish with touching candor — as she details her exotic tableau with history, anecdote and impression.” Publishers Weekly (Starred Review) (Copyright Reed Business Information, Inc.)

Angels Gather Here: Nine Angelic Aspects of Human Life on Planet Earth (Volume 1)
By Guru Singh

We are the ultimate manifestation of an infinite and glorious GOD-mind. Before coming to Earth, we consciously roamed as Spirit in the cosmic spheres collecting the purpose-filled elements and values to build our physical, emotional and mental bodies in a fervent drive to exist. This drive was coming from the depths of our spiritual DNA — ancient messages — vital dreams — perspectives of purpose, all combining into a great potential life. Now that we have this life, we have at our disposal the incredible technology of the physical realm as well as the cosmic ones to draw from. One of these realms — most helpful to our life on Earth —- is the Angelic one. To master this incomparable opportunity of being alive, being on Earth, being magnificent and being Hu-Man; Angels gather around us in legions to assist our journey. Angels know the purpose and the dreams in the depths of our hearts. This book is filled with mantric-messages that can help us to help them to do just that. Calling on your Angels will find magic working for you, in you, and all around you . . . all the places that the Angels gather.

Guru Singh DD, mss, is a third generation yogi and master of Humanology, Kundalini Yoga and meditation, teaching throughout the world with his wife Guruperkarma Kaur. It is their over-arching vision and spiritual mission to reach humanity personally, while teaching globally. Guru Singh is a life-long musician, composer, author, and Minister of Sikh Dharma with a Doctorate of Divinity.

The Fifth Agreement: A Practical Guide to Self-Mastery
by Miguel Don Ruiz & Jose Don Ruiz

Since 1997, The Four Agreements has transformed the lives of millions of people around the world with a simple but profound message.

Now bestselling author don Miguel Ruiz and his son, don Jose Ruiz, collaborate with this powerful sequel The Fifth Agreement.

The Four Agreements provides the foundation for breaking thousands of agreements that create needless suffering and with The Fifth Agreement you recover all the power of your authenticity, which is who you really are when you are born.

Don Miguel Ruiz is the international bestselling author of the Toltec Wisdom series, including The Four Agreements (over 7 years on The New York Times bestseller list), The Mastery of Love, and The Voice of Knowledge. He continues to share the wisdom of the ancient Toltec through lectures, workshops, and journeys to sacred sites around the world.

Don Jose Ruiz was chosen by his father to carry on the centuries-old family legacy of healing and teaching. For the past 7 years, he has lectured widely across the United States and at sacred sites around the world.

Interview with Dr. Wayne Dyer

Check out Nina’s Interview with Dr. Wayne Dyer Part Three-part video series…

LifeBites interviews Dr. Wayne Dyer, Part 1 of 3

LifeBites interviews Dr. Wayne Dyer, Part 2 of 3

LifeBites interviews Dr. Wayne Dyer, Part 3 of 3

Featured Topic: What Sex and the City Character Are You?

By Nancy Drinker
With the upcoming release of Sex and the City 2, I got to thinking about the girls and an incident that occurred last summer. Another of my 40+ friends and I went for a drink at the local watering hole. While seated at the bar, we were approached by four (substantially) younger men. After the introductions, they invited us to join them in their booth for cocktails and repartee. At one point, our playful conversation turned to an assessment by the guys of which of the Sex and the City characters – Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte or Miranda – my friend and I represented. Now, I have dark brown hair, brown eyes and despite the fact that I was wearing a navy linen strapless dress, wedge espadrilles and a yellow cashmere cardigan – PURE Charlotte – I was pegged as Samantha. The guys must have seen something more than what was going on on the surface. Way to go, guys!

For those of you who may not be as familiar with the series/movies Sex and the City, let me break it down for you. Despite being a member of the New York glitterati, fashion- and love-focused, Carrie is perhaps, the most well balanced and easily relatable character to everyday women. She’s quirky and fun. Samantha is the oldest member of the cast and represents the independent, sexually confident business woman. Charlotte is the most conventional of the four, having grown up in Connecticut. She plays the quintessential homecoming queen, searching for her “knight in shining armor” over the course of the series. And, Miranda is the bright and career-minded lawyer. Her cynicism about love and life helps temper Charlotte’s blind optimism.

It’s long been my contention that the four SATC characters represent different aspects of the same woman. We are complex beings whose moods vary from day to day, hour to hour, heck, sometimes minute to minute! The SATC girls definitely reflect this diversity! In order to maintain healthy, balanced lives we need to embrace and care for our whole self. So, here’s an exercise to try. Sit for a minute and consider which of the four SATC characters you’re most like. What’s your predominant personality? Are you:

Carrie – flirty, fun, quirky, relatively well balanced, light-hearted, hopeful
Samantha – independent, clever, sexually confident, creative, business woman
Charlotte – conventional, rule-oriented, perfectionist, loyal, seeker of the “ideal” love
Miranda – bright, cynical, driven, athletic, A type-work-focused

Okay, now that you’ve ID-ed your main personality type, take a look at the other characters. Can you see aspects of them in you, too? Probably so, right? That night in the bar, I was looking conventional but must have been giving off an aura of independence or sexual confidence the guys picked up on. Chances are, I was channeling some of Carrie’s fun flirtation and Miranda’s wittiness, too! Wow, I either have a multiple personality disorder or I’m a complex modern woman just like you!

In today’s fast-paced, over-programmed world, taking care of the different sides of our nature takes some consciousness and effort. When you’re not in a relationship, it’s easy to forget to flex those flirtatious/sexually confident muscles. Or, if you’re at home with the kids, your inner business woman may be getting short shrift! So, what’s a woman to do?

Well, just recognizing and remaining aware of the varied sides of your self helps you to address those needs. And, if you want to build on that, cool! If you’re looking to rev up your flirty side and don’t have a man around (or in mind) to “target,” start with the bag boy at Trader Joe’s or the guy who sells you your gas. What you focus on expands. So, if you’re concentrating on fun, you’ll create more of it in your life! Suddenly you’ll find you have a little bounce in your step and maybe you’ll notice that you’re attracting a bit more attention from the opposite sex. Now, there’s something you can raise a cosmo to!

If, on the other hand, you’ve left the business world to tend to your three year-old, the CEO in you might be feeling a little neglected. Let’s be honest, the roles are clearer and it’s a lot easier to know you’re doing a good job at work than it is at home. When you’re a mom, there’s no “employee of the month” award, no priority parking spot to recognize your good work and definitely no annual review. I can remember making lists of all I’d gotten done during the day in order to conjure up that sense of accomplishment I felt after a full day’s “work.” If that’s you, maybe it’s time to volunteer for a position at school, church or in your local community. Find a way to stimulate that inner worker bee and associate yourself with others who will appreciate what you’re contributing and give you positive feedback.

The point is, in order to feel whole, you need to honor all of you. Be BIG! Not Mr. Big, just BIG. As in, as much as you can be. Celebrate all of you! Take Manhattan (or wherever you are) by storm!

So, as Carrie would say, “we couldn’t help but wonder…” which side of you needs attention? And how are you going to help her get her mojo back?

Laura Hansen’s Sex and the City-inspired

Sex and the City 2 catches us up with the lives of Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte two years later. They’re lives have changed, but their friendship remains strong. All in relationships that have evolved, creating new challenges and growth, they discover each is looking to add a little “sparkle” to their lives and relationships. See the below descriptions and exercises to how you relate to the characters of Sex and the City in your own life! Over the next four days, see how you identify with the characters of SATC with doing one of the daily exercises that correlate with each one’s personality. Have fun as you question, explore and discover YOU!!

Day One

The Carrie “True Heart’s Desire” Quest

While on her girlfriend vacation, Carrie runs into an old flame and sparks re-ignite. What will she do and whom will she choose? Is she tempted because her love routine back home is getting a little stale, or is there a true love she should have taken? Is your heart in the right place, or is it still in the hands of a past love — distracting you from the love you can have now?

Materials: paper, pen/pencil/crayons/paints

Step 1: Draw an outline of your current partner/love interest. If you are between relationships, then draw an outline of a generic male/female form.

Step 2: Looking at this simple outline, ask yourself, “How much of this form is filled with my past flames/lovers? Then color in a corresponding percentage of the form.

Step 3: Looking at this simple outline again, ask yourself, “How much of this form is filled with the love I have for my current relationship partner? Color in that portion with a color that seems to express the love you have for that person. There can be overlap, so don’t worry if you colored 50% with past lovers and 60% with current lover. If you are between relationships, then skip to Step 4.

Step 4: Now, by recognizing how much of your current relationship is affected by where you heart was in your past relationships, you can decide whether or not you’d like to bring all of your heart into your current relationship/potential relationship. Guaranteed, your partner is/will be sensitive to the fact you are not fully committed and more than likely this has caused/will cause communication problems.

Step 5: Draw a new outline of your current/potential relationship person. Write above the outline the percentage you are willing to commit (70%, 90%, 100%, or maybe 0%!) you’d like your heart to be in this relationship. Now color in that percentage amount.

Doing this exercise will trigger old thoughts and feelings that you may wish to resolve so you can be more fully in love with the person you are with – and yourself.

Day Two

The Samantha “Decadence Protocol”

In true Samantha style, she is the one to propose the four friends leave New York for Abu Dhabi in the Arab Emirates. She’s always thinking about pleasure and play. How often do you let yourself follow your Inner-Samantha’s lead?

Materials: paper and pen/pencil, computer

Note: Be creative and let it all loose. None of what you are about to write has to be practical or possible. You are having fun with this.

Step 1: Describe the most decadent day of pleasure you can imagine. A day that at its end, has made you feel beautiful and relaxed inside and out. Go into detail: what you are wearing, the beauty of the location, what you are eating, the smells, sounds, activities, who is sharing it with you or at least serving you…!

Step 2: As you read your description, what are the important elements that make you sparkle? The soft breeze, the sounds, massage, the food? Maybe, just not working? Really take a look at what is it about what you wrote down that is particularly luscious?

Step 3: Now that you have these elements identified. Consider how you can add or increase them to your life on a regular basis. Maybe adding your style of decadence to your life can be done more easily and cheaply than you thought?

Day Three

The Miranda “Discovery Day”

Miranda’s adorable son is growing up. And, she’s finally finding ways to break away from her busy professional life to participate in his childhood. She’s ready to find a new balance in her life, but not sure what form it will take. Are you ready for a Miranda Discovery Day?

Step 1: Do you have a daydream of the kind of life you’d like to have? If so, write it down. If not, then write out why the life you have is really your dream life.

Step 2: Think about if you can take one day, maybe with the help of some very supportive friends, to live the life you envision for one whole day. That might mean that someone babysit the kids, or feed the dog, or whatever your current life requires of you. Then, you might need to put out the call to these friends and colleagues to help with connections or whatever you need to bring in the elements, activities, people who you envision in your daydream.

Step 3: Be gentle with yourself as you consider this and set up the daydream day. Watch how you feel and what you think. This is a trial run. All great things require practice. Why not allow yourself to take your daydream out for a spin to see if you like it as a new reality instead of a dream?

Day Four

The Charlotte “I Need a Vacation from Perfection!” Moment

Charlotte’s problem has always been that she gets the perfect dream she wished for, but discovers that although the situation is perfect, she’s still the same – which makes it painfully obvious to Charlotte that not only is she not perfect but neither is how she handles her perfect life. Has that ever happened to you? Sometimes, we don’t need a vacation from ourselves, we need a vacation from our expectations of ourselves.

Step 1: Choose a day to do this exercise a few days ahead of time at least. You’ll want to set it on your calendar so you have time to mentally and emotionally prepare.

Step 2: On a piece of paper or small card write this sentence:
“This is the life I created, today. I have compassion for myself and for my life.”

Step 3: On the day you choose, no matter what happens, let your life be as it is. Accept it as it is. Allow your life the grace to breathe. Have compassion for the life as it unfolds in its messy reality.

Step 4: The next day, consider repeating the exercise.

I hope you have found these exercises fun and thought provoking. For many other themes and life-affirming exercises, check out Laura’s new book, Hand Me A Wrench, My Life’s Out of Whack: Understanding the Decisions We Make and Discovering the Power to Change. Available on her web site: www.HandMeAWrench.com.

Denise Hall -“Learning how to LOVE and ACCEPT YOU”

is what the SATC girls exemplify in the series and the movies…

Denise is one of the LifeBites Experts and CEO/Owner of Salus Lifestyles. She has been fitness-coaching individuals and groups for nearly 16 years, and considers it a high calling to help people achieve fitness-success.  She believes that “Building a strong foundation within yourself will transform your life!” 

Check out her podcast “Loving Me.”

Michelle Murphy gets us thinking about the SPIRITUAL footprints of SEXALITY…

“Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead. The consciousness of loving and being loved brings a warmth and richness to life that nothing else can bring.” (Oscar Wilde)

“Love goes very far beyond the physical person of the beloved.  It finds it’s deepest meaning in his spiritual being, his inner self.” (Viktor Frankl)

At it’s best, sex is an expression of love. On a more casual basis, it is a connection and celebration in body. Regardless of the commitment level between participants, an unspoken, and often unrealized, energy contract is made between consenting players.  When we agree to an intimate union, we are agreeing to a spiritual introduction and while bodies meet and tumble, energies mesh. Unwittingly, we agree to an abstract bonding of sorts.  We leave our spiritual footprint on the person with whom we’ve bonded. Likewise, they leave their spiritual marking on us.

In a way, we become the company we keep, even if only a little bit. I suspect this includes the company we casually meet and mingle with on weekends. Perhaps not all individuals are emotionally aware of energy exchange, but for those who are, each encounter brings a potential shift to their vibration; their spirit, and with each shift, (s)he is potentially changed. Herein lies a challenge: bring “consciousness of loving and being loved” back home, into your solitary psyche. This ’space’ is self-awareness; it is ‘you’. Now see how this base line might change with the company you choose to keep.

I wouldn’t be so bold as to suggest chastity, though I might suggest selectivity and awareness. If our souls are gardens, who have we allowed in to witness our beauty and our most primal strength, and what seeds have they left within us?

Michelle Murphy is a medium and works to connect her clients to their guides and guardians, encouraging the contemplation of an enlightened spiritual life. Michelle can be reached at metmurphy@hotmail.com

Sex It Up This Spring: Are Your Yin & Yang in Balance?

By Marie Elena Rigo, Life and LifeBites Coach

Ever wonder how your yin and yang energy affects your sex life?

Good chemistry in the bedroom relies on a great balance between the two. In fact, yin/yang is the perfect balance of dynamic opposites working together to create harmony. When talking about sex – at least good sex – it’s not only helpful, it’s essential.

Defining yin and yang could be complicated – but let’s just oversimplify the concept and equate them to feminine and masculine energy (respectively). And, in the interest of our Sex in the City Theme, let’s review what’s yin and yang about our girls:

Samantha: Yin body and presentation (hair, clothes, makeup), yang attitude – especially in her sexcapades and career
Carrie: A fairly even balance – but more yin overall; her fetish for shoes/clothes and her sense of style is very yin, yet her apartment and fear of babies and commitment might be seen as a bit more yang
Miranda: More yang overall – particularly in personality/career. She does embrace her yin side when she allows Steve to pay for her and becomes a mom to Brady
Charlotte: Yin – pretty much through and through; a girlie girl who appreciates good ol’ fashioned romance and courting

Regardless of our gender, we all possess both yin and yang energy. In relationship, however, there is a subtle, yet powerful effect of connecting more fully to our more prominent tendencies – and avoiding the lack of passion of yin/yin or the power struggle of yang/yang. [Note: Even if you dating someone of the same sex, yin & yang roles have to exist for the relationship to work.]

So, ladies (forgive the sweeping heterosexual generalizations here) be yin! Let the guys take the lead. Embrace the chivalry. Think of Charlotte doing – well — anything. Allow yourself to be receptive. Remember Carrie giddily accepting a gorgeous dress from her Russian “lover.” This may be challenging at first – especially if you are taking on a more yang role in your work life, but it is essential if you want a relationship with a yang man!

And men, be yang! Initiate, open doors, help us with our coats, pick up the tab for drinks, make the first move…even if we can do all of this on our own. Be like The Russian or like Big (when they were being their BEST manly man, chivalrous moments of sweeping Carrie off of her feet).

This may seem old-fashioned…in fact, it is. Chinese metaphysics is thousands of years old. Yet, in modern society, sometimes stepping into our more natural yin & yang energies stretches us out of the comfort zones we created in more recent years.

With the woman’s movement, many females have become so independent and self-sufficient (think Miranda and Samantha – and even Carrie & Charlotte to a degree) that it can be harder to connect to the softer, gentler side that will be in greater harmony with a male’s primary provider nature. And, that doesn’t mean women can’t be strong, powerful beings and men can’t be sensitive…it just seems helpful when “connecting” to honor those yin & yang characteristics that are innate.

So, want to sex up this spring? Put the yin and the yang back where they belong – especially in the bedroom!

For more information on Feng Shui and life coaching, visit www.MERlifedesign.com or call 888-828-5888.
Copyright © 2010, Marie Elena Rigo, MER Life Design

Getting into the SEXY VIBE with Date Night!

By Susan Davis-Swanson

Feeling and looking sexy for your partner seems to be something many couples let go adrift after they are married or in a relationship for awhile. It’s as if so many people just give up.

Keeping sex alive in a long-term relationship is an attitude that you work on to keep. It’s a commitment to looking attractive for your partner, being flirtatious and making love a priority in your relationship. I, like many couples therapists, am a big proponent of date night. When you are dating, you make it a point to dress up, go somewhere, flirt, play, and usually make love. Remember that feeling of passion? Well, it becomes more challenging during real life; kids and jobs and chores make you tired. But keeping a date night will ensure that you make your relationship a priority. It reminds you and your partner that your relationship and time as a couple is a priority because you make it one.

• On date night, you shut down the cell phones, stop the video games, close up e-mail.
• On date night, you stop thinking about the committee you’re on, the project at the office.
• On your date night, get dressed a little – guys dress for your woman as if you were dating her for the first time, girls, get a little sexy.


Go somewhere together or… what I love to do is have an intimate dinner at home –
A great bottle of wine, great music and “just us.” Talk about the two of you, not the kids, not the in-laws, not your last fight. Find out how your partner is, or find out something you don’t know. Look at your partner and see the person you fell in love with and bring back the energy that allowed you to fall in love with one another in the first place. And make love (or just have great, sexy sex).

It takes time and initiative to focus on this, but couples feel more connected to their partners when they continue to keep their love and flirtation alive. Making love, playing with one another helps you overcome daily frustrations and you will love the pay off in your feelings for one another. So stop fighting. Stop trying to decide who’s right and who’s wrong. And make the time to talk to one another and keep dating and playing for a truly satisfying relationship. This will not only do wonders for your Sexy Vibe, but will keep your relationship alive and healthy!

Susan Davis Swanson, LCSW, BCD
Executive Director
The Stepfamily Center
Beverly Hills and The South Bay
310.274.2780
www.stepfamilycenter.com

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Dating – A Male Perspective

April 18, 2010 by matthewtrefz  
Filed under Life, Inspired.

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By Jonathan Troen

Ahhhh…the rituals of dating. Men and women working to gain the affections of others. As well as, sometimes, the approval of their friends.

The female side of dating seems well-catalogued, with the innermost feelings of Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte revealed to us in detail thanks to “Sex and the City.” But what about the male side of dating – what are all the men thinking, and why don’t we know as much about it?

Is it because we talk and gossip less? Is it because the outfits we wear just aren’t as cool (or cute)? Is it because the stories that swirl around in our heads just aren’t as interesting?

No disrespect meant to the women, I’m just here to say we have feelings too. Sometimes we’re even vulnerable, though usually too fearful to say so. But then, isn’t this whole game about fear –The fear of being alone?

Speaking of fear, do you have any idea of how scary it is to have face-to-face encounters with women like the characters from “Sex and the City?” Sure, perhaps they’re exaggerated a bit, but I’ve dated, and as the women out there most certainly know, the stories Carrie and the others share are true. And the type of men they’re looking for – us – well, we’re real, too.

But who are we? And who do you really want us to be?

At any moment we may need to be the caring one, the artistic, yet nonchalant one, the one who could never be attractive to another woman and, let’s not forget, the sex machine. Sometimes it feels as if we have to switch roles at moments notice. Of course these male roles are well depicted in “Sex and the City” – different ones for different women at different times.

Here’s a secret though: these aren’t different men. It seems women want all of these men in the same package. The lucky part of this is we actually are all these things in one package. The problem is, we don’t always know which character to put in front of you at which time. And the bigger problem is we usually get it wrong. Hey, we’re guys: we’re good at getting it wrong.

When I first started dating, I definitely showed the caring character the most. If you needed me, I was there. Well, that didn’t go over too well. I lived a rather dull dating life – though I did build up strength in my right hand, if you know what I mean.

Eventually, I transitioned into the artistic yet nonchalant type. That worked like a charm. I had no idea that if you ignored a person just once, they could be like silly putty in your hands – a creation of whatever you wanted them to be. Yet, there was no love there, and excitement soon faded, even with the Samantha-types out there.

Who did these women really want to be with? Which of the men inside of me did they really want? Was I just playing a character game, acting out various roles like a Hollywood movie? Well, yes, probably. That’s how I got the girl. But in the end, the girl never lasted and the role-playing left me empty. I needed a companion. I needed someone to “complete me.” And I needed someone to show off to my friends. After all, who would I be without a lover and without the accolades of friends?

I would be alone and afraid.

It took a bit of time to figure out. I had to look inside of me – who was my Mr. Big, who was my Steve Brady, who was my Aleksandr Petrovsky ? And why were all these personalities inside of me in the first place?

I studied them. I asked each one of them what he was afraid of – why was he so afraid. I asked each one what he really wanted for a future – what was really important. The answers I got were interesting. They didn’t need the hottest girl, and they didn’t need sex every night. They just needed a little bit a love.

You see, men – the straight ones anyway – usually don’t share their innermost secrets. That’s why you may not see a male version of “Sex and the City” anytime soon. But in reality, we’re not that different. We want to be happy. We want to share our happiness with others. We want to share love and we’re terrified of being alone. That’s what my inner characters told me anyway.

For the first time, I understood that I was looking for a relationship out of fear, and not out of love.

…And it took me a while to realize, I will never get what I’m looking for from anyone outside of my own body. I had to be happy with myself. I had to be able share happiness with myself. I had to love myself. No easy task, I will confess. Yet once I could love myself, I could actually share love with others in a way I had never shared before. Soon, Mr. Big and all the other characters inside faded away, and I became me. I am me – nothing more, nothing less.

Once we accept who we are, we have all we need. The true essence of love within us rises from the buried depths up to the surface, and the fear subsides.

And here’s a coincidence: once I accepted myself and began to love myself – when I got rid of all the characters inside of me – a magical thing happened. When I wasn’t looking, my true love came into my life. I wasn’t even looking for her; apparently, I was just finally ready for her. Maybe it wasn’t a coincidence at all.

It’s true – love attracts love. Love yourself first, and the rest will follow.

Chances are you’ve dated all the characters anyway, so if that’s not working for you, give love a try. Love yourself first. You won’t be sorry.

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BookBites

April 18, 2010 by matthewtrefz  
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BookBites: What better way to SEX it Up this Spring then by reading a little more about the movie, “Sex and the City 2” and discovering more about Carrie in Candace Bushnell’s new book, The Carrie Diaries. See below to learn more about the books and buy it!

Sex and the City 2: The Stories. The Fashion. The Adventure. (Hardcover)Fast of the heels on the wildly popular companion to Sex and the City: The Movie comes this equally sexy and stylish companion to the sequel.

Sex and the City 2 picks up two years after the first movie left off, and finds our four favorite friends embarking on the trip of a lifetime to the exotic world of the Middle East. The book gives readers an all-access tour of the movie-making process, with juicy behind-the-scenes stories from writer and director Michael Patrick King and writer and star Sarah Jessica Parker, as well as Cynthia Nixon, Kim Cattrall, Kristin Davis, and the movie’s other key cast members and special guest stars; a look at the challenges of filming in both New York and the Middle East and the work that went into choosing the locations and building the sets; and even the never-before-told story of “The Movie That Wasn’t.” Fans will also savor the book’s comprehensive fashion section, with page after page of mouth-watering photographs showing every look worn by the four stars—along with detailed label information for every piece of clothing, from dresses to shoes to bags.

Full of exclusive stories and images readers won’t find anywhere else, this luxurious volume is a must-have for fans who simply can’t get enough Sex and the City.

The Carrie Diaries, By Candace Bushnell
The Carrie Diaries is the coming-of-age story of one of the most iconic characters of our generation.

Before Sex and the City, Carrie Bradshaw was a small-town girl who knew she wanted more. She’s ready for real life to start, but first she must navigate her senior year of high school. Up until now, Carrie and her friends have been inseparable. Then Sebastian Kydd comes into the picture, and a friend’s betrayal makes her question everything.

With an unforgettable cast of characters, The Carrie Diaries is the story of how a regular girl learns to think for herself and evolves into a sharp, insightful writer. Readers will learn about her family background, how she found her writing voice, and the indelible impression her early friendships and relationships left on her. Through adventures both audacious and poignant, we’ll see what brings Carrie to her beloved New York City, where her new life begins.

Click the BOOK IMAGE to buy the BOOK!

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“Breathe” in a healthy Heart with LifeBites expert, John M. Kennedy, M.D.

January 3, 2010 by matthewtrefz  
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Dr. John Kennedy is the medical director of preventative cardiology and wellness at Marina del Rey Hospital, and author of the new book, THE 15-MINUTE HEART CURE: The Natural Way to Release Stress And Heal Your Heart In Just Minutes A Day.

For a healthy heart emotionally and physically, learn to BREATHE!

DAY 1

How to use the BREATHE™ technique

BREATHE™ is an acronym that represents a relaxation technique that will help heal your heart. For best results follow the simple stepwise explanation that will continue over the next week as I focus on a new element of BREATHE™ each day. Remember that conscious breathing is what connects the heart and brain and allows us to create a conversation between the two organs.
Each of the letters in the word BREATHE™ has special significance and represents one of the 7 steps that makes up the technique. Follow each step closely and apply them to the exercises that follow.

B in B-R-E-A-T-H-E is for the beginning.

Every book, song, poem, and exercise has a beginning. Begin your exercise daily at the most ideal time and in the most ideal place that fits best with your schedule. A truck driver, for example, may choose the time while sitting quietly on the loading dock just before checking his inventory and planning his daily delivery route; a surgeon might use the scrub sink just prior to surgery and if you work in an office setting try taking a short walk at lunch to a quiet place, away from the frenzied workplace to practice.

Some will choose a quiet place in their home and practice after waking which helps them focus and achieve their daily goals, and some use the BREATHE™ technique just before climbing into bed which helps relieve racing thoughts and helps you achieve more quality sleep. Wherever or whenever you decide to BREATHE™ be sure to practice at the same each time. Try to develop a rhythm and routine to your practice.

When you begin, pick a quiet and cozy place—somewhere you won’t be interrupted for 15 minutes, which is the amount of time needed to gain mastery and optimize results of the BREATHE™ technique. Begin your BREATHE™ exercise with a positive attitude knowing that this 15 minutes is a well-deserved gift to yourself.

DAY 2

R in B-R-E-A-T-H-E is for relaxation.

This might seem counterintuitive but relaxation actually requires concentration and focus. It’s not like just diving into your beanbag chair, flipping on the TV and ripping open a bag of chips. Instead, to elicit the relaxation response (opposite of the stress response) it requires focused and conscious breathing. Try to clear all thoughts when you start and think only of breathing. Concentrate only on your breath. Recall that focused, controlled and conscious breathing is what allows us into the conversation between the heart and brain. A helpful imagery tool is the Path to Relaxation and Flow. Imagine a beautiful hiking path that is very familiar to you. Each step you take allows you to become more and more relaxed. The end of the familiar path of relaxation and flow is always the same—a peaceful and serene place at the foot of the majestic flowing river.
Conscious Breathing

1. Sit in a comfortable chair with arm rests and let the gravity of your body sink right in. Your body should be as relaxed as possible so feel the weight of your arms and legs supported by the chair. Feel your feet comfortably in contact with the ground.

Pay attention to your breathing. To help focus on your breathing, place one hand on the part of your chest or abdomen and watch your hand rise and fall with each breath.

2. BREATHE™ through your nose if possible. If you are unable to BREATHE™ through your nose, breathing in through your mouth will suffice.
3. Inhale deeply and slowly through your nose and feel it into your abdomen. You’ll see and feel your abdomen rise with each inhalation and your chest should move only slightly.
4. Exhale through your mouth, keeping your mouth, tongue, and jaw relaxed. Extend your exhalation. If you can, extend to a count of 7 like the number of letters in the word BREATHE™.
5. Relax and focus on the sound and feeling of long, slow, deep breaths.
6. Listen to the conversation between your heart and brain. As you take a deep breath in, notice your pulse slightly increasing and as you exhale, your heart rate decreasing.

Repeat a series of 7 breaths and you will notice feeling deeply relaxed. You’ll know it’s time to go on to the next step in BREATHE™ when you feel all your muscles relax and your entire weight supported by your chair. The more you practice the easier conscious breathing becomes. After a few practices this technique will become routine and you can spend more of your focused energy on the heart-healing guided imagery—the second component of the BREATHE™ technique.

DAY 3

E in B-R-E-A-T-H-E is for envision.
Visualizing the end or desired goal is common practice in sports, business and academics. The most innovative and successful companies today rely heavily on dreaming, imagining and thinking outside the box. Without imagination we would never progress. Wireless technology, the internet and all scientific breakthroughs are born out of an active imagination. Like in business and sports, an imagination has important applications in maintaining health and wellness. When you practice your BREATHE™ exercise imagine your heart parts as healthy and strong. Studies show that patients with a thorough understanding of their medical condition and who use visualization have better overall health. Envision how all of the healing metaphors in the heart exercises soothe and calm your body and allow your heart to rest and idle. Visualize your heart as strong and powerful with all the parts working synergistically and efficiently. Remember that the special imagery exercises lower your heart rate, lower your blood pressure and strengthen your immune system. Each time you perform these exercises visualize your heart and imagine all four parts—the arteries, muscle, valves and electrical system. Analyze what they look like and how they work together in unison to provide the constant, unimpeded flow of blood to nourish your entire body.
Relaxation training using guided imagery has been shown to reduce cortisol output.
Research has shown that guided imagery may:

1. Reduce stress and anxiety
2. Decrease pain
3. Decrease side effects
4. Decrease blood pressure
5. Decrease blood glucose levels (Diabetes)
6. Decrease allergy and respiratory symptoms
7. Decrease the severity of headaches
8. Decrease hospital costs
9. Enhance bone and wound healing
10. Enhance sleep
11. Enhance self-confidence
12. Assist in losses (job, divorces, death)
13. Enhance quality of life

DAY 4

A in B-R-E-A-T-H-E is for apply.

When reading through the guided imagery exercises and observing the accompanying art, imagine how the heart-healing images and metaphors can be applied and relate to your healthy heart. Stay focused concentrating on the significance of the images because it is easy to get distracted.

If you lose focus you will probably feel a little anxious or frustrated. Do not worry because it’s easy to get right back on track. Use this as a reminder of the conversation. Apply the principles of this technique and recall that conscious breathing is the way back into the conversation and helps you refocus. The bodily feelings that stress creates are reminders of the conversation and an invitation to stop stress in its tracks.

The apply step in BREATHE™ has two applications. The first is applying the meaning of the metaphors to an efficiently working heart. The second involves applying this technique in times of heavy stress and using it as an effective coping mechanism. By practicing regularly each heart-healing metaphor will be filed away in your memory bank. These memories are retrievable and accessible and very helpful in breaking the cycle of stress.

DAY 5

T in B-R-E-A-T-H-E is for treatment.

The BREATHE™ technique is a pleasurable and therapeutic exercise. You are deserving of this enjoyable and gratifying exercise. These 15 minutes will make you feel revitalized and energized. This exercise is not like a chore, duty or errand to check off on your “to-do” list, it is an extremely pleasant and comforting experience that you will begin to look forward to. Practicing regularly, like exercising in the gym, will foster feelings of elation and happiness and, when really relaxed, feelings of bliss. The BREATHE™ technique is a treatment–like a pleasurable experience at a spa. Your entire body will feel deeply relaxed and invigorated.

DAY 6

H in B- R-E-A-T-H-E is for Heal.

The BREATHE™ technique is healing. By practicing 15 minutes daily you will entrain neural networks that connect your heart and brain. You will consistently elicit the relaxation response which has a number of healing physiologic responses which include increased heart rate variability, decreased blood pressure, enhanced immune response, and lower pulse rate. BREATHE™ combines two proven relaxation techniques and can be used anytime and virtually anywhere. It is accessible to anyone and simple to learn. Relaxation therapy has been shown to decrease arrhythmias, improve focus, improve sleep and improve our blood sugar handling and cholesterol levels. BREATHE™ has a number of healing properties. Recalling the healing properties of this pleasurable exercise will help you remain positive and focused.

DAY 7

E in B-R-E-A-T-H-E is for End.

Every effective exercise has a formal beginning and ending. When you have successfully completed your exercise and carefully and mindfully focused on all of the heart-healing metaphors you will notice feeling deeply relaxed. However, you will also feel energized and revitalized—ready to start your day. This is because you have actively concentrated on the rhythm and rate of your breathing which increases oxygen to your tissues. You have also concentrated on improved flow of oxygenated blood to your tissues and an efficiently working healthy heart.

Before you end make a mental checklist of the healing metaphors you studied in your exercise and begin to notice your surroundings. Imagine how you might use this work throughout your day to help defuse a difficult situation. Think of how the ending of your exercise is really the beginning of your day and how this cycle is like the cycle of breathing and the cycle of your heart.

Remember that the combined guided imagery & breath work exercises in each chapter were carefully crafted and are filled with heart-healing metaphors that relate to the properly functioning heart parts. Similar to the concept of Qi in Chinese medicine, the BREATHE™ exercises emphasize how flow relates to an efficient, healthy and smoothly running cardiovascular system. BREATHE™ helps “unblock” heart parts and promotes flow in the electrical, valvular, muscular and arterial systems.

This simple, cost-effective technique has withstood the test of time and modern research shows many positive health benefits of its use. Guided imagery and breath work have been used successfully for reducing anxiety, improving coping skills, lowering blood pressure, and for decreasing post operative pain. They have also been shown to have potent immune bolstering effects. Studies have shown that patients using similar techniques have increased levels of natural killer cells which are potent immune cells that help ward off infection. Relaxation therapies such as BREATHE™ have also been shown to lower levels of the stress hormone cortisol which in large amounts (like those seen with chronic stress) can weaken our body’s ability to fight infection and slow tissue repair.

John M. Kennedy, M.D., is the medical director of preventative cardiology and wellness at Marina del Rey Hospital, and author of the new book, THE 15-MINUTE HEART CURE: The Natural Way to Release Stress And Heal Your Heart In Just Minutes A Day. Dr. Kennedy may be reached at john@johnmkennedymd.com. Please visit http://www.johnmkennedymd.com for more information.

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Hutt Bush’s BELIEVE your way into success!

January 3, 2010 by admin  
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WELCOME

Welcome to a five-day conversation about belief. This is intended to be a “mini-seminar” which will deliver you to a new place of awareness about the impact of your belief system on all areas of your life. The five days build on each other. If you choose to participate,

I believe that you will derive the most value from doing the exercises in order. I’m smiling as I write those words I believe because I want to point out that all opinions, projections, and most statements are beliefs of various importance to each of us.

All humans have beliefs which significantly govern the results we experience. The likelihood of creating a desired result is diminished or even destroyed if one does not believe that it’s possible to do so.

Our beliefs are reflected in everything that we do and all the choices that we make. This realization is freeing and poignant because we can literally change our lives by changing our beliefs.

Please enjoy and know that useful feedback and questions are welcome.

DAY ONE OF FIVE
BEGIN AN INVENTORY OF YOUR BELIEFS

Beliefs are perceptions that we hold as true. Clearly, beliefs can be completely incorrect. For centuries, Conventional Belief said that the earth was flat. And in the supposed “New World,” indigenous people living in islands where Columbus first landed actually did not recognize sailing ships on the horizon because there was no belief that such ships existed.

Let’s start the New Year by beginning an inventory of our constructive beliefs and then rank them on a scale from 1-10, with 1 being “very weak” and 10 being “absolute.”

Choose 3-5 categories like: Business, Health, Family, Romance, Financial, etc.

For example:

Health
I know what to do to treat my body exquisitely well.

Or

Financial
I will meet my income and other financial objectives for 2010.

Please create and score somewhere between 5-15 beliefs as we will be working with those this week.

DAY TWO OF FIVE
DO YOUR LIFE CONDITIONS MATCH YOUR BELIEFS?

As you were creating your Belief Inventory, you may well have been asking yourself how well your beliefs are serving you. James Allen said, “The outer conditions of a person’s life will always be found to reflect their inner beliefs.

Does that ring true to you? Think about the correlation between the beliefs in your inventory and the conditions in your life.

Look specifically at elements in your life that are associated with your beliefs. For example, if you believe strongly that you’re going to meet your 2010 financial goals, you’ll likely observe the following kinds of things: a written income plan, accurate and timely record keeping, increasing balances in your bank accounts.

Please go to your Belief Inventory and note what actions you’d need to see to have each of those constructive beliefs become real in your world.

DAY THREE OF FIVE
SOURCES OF BELIEFS

Where did the beliefs in your Belief Inventory come from? Parents, teachers, partners, spouses, the media?

You may have wanted to change the beliefs of others. It’s natural to desire agreement. It seems to be the nature of the human condition that we have attempted to have others believe the way we believe. How to influence and persuade ethically is a rich topic for another day, but we can consider the sources of your beliefs.

There may be a primary source to whom you attribute a particular belief – but, most likely, each belief is an amalgam of many different sources.

Please go to your Belief Inventory and note the primary sources of each of your beliefs. Note also the approximate time in your life when you felt the strongest influence in favor of each belief.

DAY FOUR OF FIVE
DESTRUCTIVE BELIEFS

Often, we humans begin to believe something, and that belief hardens into something that we hold as absolute. If the belief moves us forward, absolutism can often be tolerated. If beliefs are negative and hold us back, it can be very healthy to challenge them.

Please go to your Belief Inventory and in the same categories as before, note 5-10 destructive beliefs. Then – just as you did with your constructive beliefs – rank the destructive beliefs in terms of strength and note the primary sources of those beliefs.

For example, suppose someone believed:

I will never make as much money as I need.

Or

It’s too late (or too early) for me to have the kind of life that I really want to have.

As you do the exercise, be aware of the discomfort that will most likely appear. We humans have frequently avoided confronting our destructive beliefs, but they have been as much a part of our belief system at the constructive beliefs.

DAY FIVE OF FIVE
TRANSFORMING BELIEFS

Your Belief Inventory now contains at least five constructive beliefs and five destructive beliefs. You have assessed the strength and sources of those beliefs.

What do you want to do about your belief system? Are there constructive beliefs that you would like to strengthen? Are there destructive beliefs that you’d like to weaken or eliminate?

There’s a truism – a kind of widely-held belief – that we can expand any object of our attention simply by increasing the amount of attention.

One can transform beliefs by paying attention on a regular basis and working with the beliefs. For example, suppose you wanted your belief that you were going to meet or exceed your financial goals for 2010 to be ranked a 10 in your mind. You can put attention on creating the plan, the recordkeeping, etc., that would be congruent with that belief.

You can challenge any destructive beliefs and invent constructive beliefs to put in their places.

ENDING NOTE

Five days of very brief exercises may not be able to make radical changes in your belief system, but you can take the momentum that has been created and expand it.

I encourage your working with your beliefs so that you are increasingly only paying attention to strong, constructive beliefs – whose effects you see more and more in the conditions of your life.

Thank you for participating, and all the best.

Hutt

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Laura Hansen’s 5-days of Life Exercises on getting your BELIEVING to RECIEVING!

January 3, 2010 by matthewtrefz  
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“Believing” – Five Day Series

LifeBites expert, Laura Hansen is an author of her new book, Hand Me A Wrench, My Life’s Out of Whack: Understanding the Decisions We Make and Discovering the Power to Change. Available on her web site: www.HandMeAWrench.com.  Check out her series on “Believing.” Do an exercise each day!

Day 1

“I Don’t Believe in Myself…” “Really? Do You Believe In Yourself More Than You Believe In The Easter Bunny?”

Have you ever really considered the phrase, “I don’t believe in myself?” Do you not believe in yourself the same way you don’t believe in the Easter Bunny? That you don’t exist? Or, is it more that you just don’t believe you have the strength to shape your existence?

In a way, if you don’t believe you can shape your existence, you might as well put yourself in the same category as the Easter Bunny – but without the chocolate eggs.

If you don’t exist, where did you go? Do other people have parts of you? Are you like a delicious pie that got sliced up, and then served to various people? All you have left is an empty pie tin? Is that what you’re looking at and declaring when you say, “I don’t believe in myself… because there is no more of myself within my control?

Now, we’re getting somewhere. It’s not pretty, but we’re getting somewhere.

Okay, here’s your “I’m More Real Than The Easter Bunny” exercise:

1. Buy or bake a pie.
2. Get a pie-cutting knife.
3. Cut the pie into slices according to who/what owns your life. For example: 1/8 slice for my mother; ¼ slice for my guilt about not working hard enough; ½ pie for thinking that I have no value; 1/8 slice for myself.
4. Eat the whole pie. Maybe not at one sitting, but be determined to claim that whole pie. As you eat the different sections, reclaim your ownership of your life from that influence.
5. As you eat each section, write down how you are going to live that part of your life your way. Have fun.

Optional Pie Therapy Exercise

1. Get some friends together.
2. Make a bunch of whipped cream pies
3. Assign each pie a significant influence that affects the enjoyment of each of your lives.
4. Begin throwing the pies at each other.

Day 2

“I Don’t Believe I Can Do It…” “Really? You Do It For Everyone Else.”

Odd, how you don’t think twice about helping other people get what they want. But, when you consider doing something for yourself, you get all jittery, self-conscious, guilty, and secretive.

You’ve probably had the experience of telling someone your plans and they ridiculed you. Asked you (or worse, they just thought it so you could see it in their eyes), “what makes you think you can do that” and “you really think you can succeed? Isn’t that a little out of your league?” To avoid future judgment you just keep helping others, at the same time scaling down your expectations of what you will accomplish in life.

I know I’m painting a pretty bleak picture. But, most of us do this to ourselves to a lesser or greater degree. Below is a game to help you feel excited and confident instead of self-conscious about living your life!

My Life — Your Life Roulette
This is a fun and revealing game. Once you get the hang of it, you’ll be able to play it in your head to help you make decisions that make you excited about living.

1. With regular white/colored paper, make 30 2”x2” squares.
2. Divide the 30 pieces into two piles of 15 squares
3. One pile is My Life, the other pile is Your Life
4. On the 15 pieces of paper in the My Life pile, write a different thing on each piece you’d like to do for yourself: goal, activity, adventure, relationship, friendship, whatever – make sure these are super cool things that make you feel happy, excited, and awesome.
5. On the 15 pieces of paper in the Your Life pile, write a different thing on each piece that you do to help other people.Your mind may go blank because you do so much for others without thinking twice. In fact, you may need to take notes throughout the day of all the little and big things you do for other people’s lives that do nothing for your own. Now, I’m not advocating you be an uncaring, isolated person — we’re talking about striking a healthy balance between helping yourself and helping others.
6. Put all 30 pieces of paper into a container (box/basket/bowl). Shake up the papers in the container.
7. Close your eyes, reach in, and pull one paper out.
8. Read it. Is it a My Life, or Your Life? What is your first emotional/physical reaction? If you pulled…
   1. My Life: what is the first step you’d like to take today toward that goal/activity?
   2. Your Life: How do you want to reply to this request for your help? Is this something that you’ll wish to do when asked? Or never again? How would you feel if you only did this request today and didn’t get to do any of My Life stuff.
9. Dump out the container on the table. Separate out My Life papers from Your Life papers into their original two piles.
10. Pick one from the My Life pile. Write out all the help you will need from others to get this done. Make a list of the people in your life who have the expertise to help.
11. When you are ready, ask them for help. The ones who are excited about helping you — and follow through — are the ones worthy of your assistance when they come calling for your help. This way you build a supportive community around you of people you enjoy supporting and who enjoy supporting you.

Everyone else can take a hike, don’t you think?

Day 3

“I Don’t Believe I’m a Good Person…” “Really? Like you don’t meet someone’s unreasonable expectations of purity of thought? Or, like you’re an axe murderer? I’m just trying to narrow it down.”

I will tell you up front that someone tricked you into thinking you aren’t a good person. They did this so they could feel better about themselves, exert emotional and psychological control over you, and enjoy watching you hate yourself as much as they hate themselves.

You allowed this because you most likely had to make a choice between accepting their judgment or not getting their love. Or possibly, physical pain or punishment was involved if you didn’t assume the unworthiness role. Regardless, you can remove these thoughts. These thoughts have been acting like Voodoo pins in your life, you might as well treat them accordingly!

Game: Removing the Voodoo Pins from the “You” Doll

This is a fun game because it reminds you are always in control, and always have the choice of what to believe as true about yourself.

1. Obtain or make a doll. You can make a doll out of fabric and rubber bands and some cotton balls — take about 10 minutes. Or, you can get a Barbie doll or whatever makes you laugh. It should represent how you looked and felt before the first thought came in (you may have to think back into early childhood or before that!)
2. Get about 20 straight pins. Pins with the colorful little balls on the end are good — festive!
3. Have some paper and pen/pencil to note taking.
4. Hold your doll in one hand, and your first pin in another. Decide what thought this pin represents. Ask yourself, there this pin should go to accurately represent it’s place in your soul (heart, head, throat, etc).
5. Insert the pin in the proper location.
6. Write down the color of the pin ball, the location of the pin and the thought it represents.
7. Repeat Step 6 until you think you’ve accounted for all of the thoughts that contribute to you not believe you are a good person.
8. Take a look at your doll. Imagine having a good thought about yourself with all those pins in there. Right… not easy.
9. Starting with the first pin you inserted, slowly remove it.
10. Referring to your pin/thought list, start with the first pin-related thought, write down your own belief/truth about yourself that you just freed by removing that pin.
11. Repeat Step 10 until all the pins are gone. Look at your new list of beliefs/truths about yourself and your goodness.
12. Keep the Voodoo doll around as a reminder that you decide to insert or remove the pins — no one else. And, if you do find yourself back in a “prickly” state of mind. Identify where and why you let a pin in, then take it out. Afterward, take a moment to acknowledge your belief/truth you just freed.

Day 4

“I Don’t Believe I Will Find Love…” “Really? No Naps or Cupcakes Where You Are?”

Okay, I’m not even going to waste time explaining it, or telling you a story. We’re going directly to the game. We’ll talk along the way.

For this game, you can use paper and pen, or you can audio record your thoughts, either way is fine.

1. Write/record all the little things you love/make you happy/make life a joy: pancakes, sea breeze, dog licks, cozy sweaters, a Saturday in the garage working on stuff, the sound of the local high school football game on Friday nights, etc.
2. Write down all the things you love about yourself: your laugh, your nose, the way you figure out problems, the feeling you have when you meet someone’s eyes and you know the two of you are thinking the same thing, how good it feels to stretch in bed when you first wake up, etc.
3. Compare the two lists. If List 1 much longer than List 2: You won’t FIND the love of another until you FIND the love you’ve got laying around within you. How can anyone see YOU if you are covered with dust and neglect?
4. Keep working on List 2 until it’s at least as long as List 1. You’ve got to be shiny, proud and smokin’ hot in love with who you are, otherwise you’re going to attract someone in the same dusty situation you’re in. If that’s what you want, that’s okay. Just know you are making that decision.
5. Find love in as many places as you can within you first, then you’ll find love everywhere else.

Find this and many other themes and life-affirming exercises in Laura’s new book, Hand Me A Wrench, My Life’s Out of Whack: Understanding the Decisions We Make and Discovering the Power to Change. Available on her web site: www.HandMeAWrench.com. To download a preview chapter as her gift to you, click on the icon below.

Day 5

“I Don’t Believe I Have Good Judgment…” “Really? All that Judgment, and None of It Good.”

Good judgment grows out of learning from your stupid, bone-headed, soul-crushing, humiliating, please-kill-me-now mistakes. Bad judgment settles in when you judge yourself for making the mistake in the first place, thereby learning nothing.

Now, to get out of this situation, you’ve got to do something that will take everything you have to be who you are. You’ve got to look at your life as if you were watching a movie. How would you look at your life, your intentions, your choices, and your path if you were an observer?

As you watched the movie would you say, “ Wow, what a moron. I can’t believe he did it that way.” Or would you say, “Well, he was trying to prove to his family he could be a success on their terms instead of his. He’s really an artist, but he opened a fast-food franchise. Of course he would fail, it’s not what he loves or what he’s good at.”

Within the above observation is a tremendous realization about your nature and your intent that you can use to guide all of your decisions. You can ask yourself, “Whom am I doing this for?” “ Is this my passion?” That allows your past experiences to translate into your good judgment.

Game: My Life — The Movie
As you play this game, go easy on yourself. Take one event at a time. Go slow. Give yourself time and mental space to write notes, reflect, connect dots, etc.

1. Approach one thing you did that you haven’t forgiven yourself for that leads you to believe you have bad judgment.
2. Write out your notes about why you REALLY made the decision/action. What can you see as the observer about this?
3. Why did it turn into a mistake/failure? What piece or pieces of information/understanding did you not have at the time that lead to the misjudgment?
4. How can you use the information/understanding you gained from the experience to guide your future decisions?
5. If you have a partner or friend you can talk this through with, that’d be great. They may have insights to support your process.

Find this and many other themes and life-affirming exercises in Laura’s new book, Hand Me A Wrench, My Life’s Out of Whack: Understanding the Decisions We Make and Discovering the Power to Change. Available on her web site: www.HandMeAWrench.com. To download a preview chapter as her gift to you, click on the icon below.

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Life, Inspired: Podcasts for Winter

January 3, 2010 by admin  
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This LifeBites topic has to do with BELIEVING. Listen to each podcast every week to get a little insight into helping you BELIEVE!

Week One: Creating your Beliefs
Week Two: Making a List
Week Three: Saying “Hello”
Week Four: Re-directing your Energies

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BookBites: Shovel It!

January 3, 2010 by admin  
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Shovel It!

BookBites: Shovel It! Kick-Ass Advice To Turn Life’s Crap Into The Peace And Happiness You Deserve – By Debbie Robins
With our world turned upside down, there has never been more CRAP to shovel. In Shovel It! Kick-Ass Advice To Turn Life’s Crap Into The Peace And Happiness You Deserve, best-selling author Debbie Robins, along with her celebrity friends (Deepak Chopra, Sandra Bernhard, Julia Ormond, Rosanna Arquette, Daniel Powter, among others), share their important life strategies on how to retrieve one’s balance, peace, and happiness when the crap hits the fan. Like the best-selling book Skinny Bitch in the Kitch, Robins charms us with her humor and profound pragmatism. Her theme is a compelling one—that our attention to our “inner ecology” is as critical as our commitment to our outer ecology. Her tips, born out of a dynamic and high-powered life as a Hollywood producer, career coach and corporate consultant, are transformative and certain to enlighten readers.



Debbie Robbins

About the AuthorDebbie Robins is a highly respected corporate, executive and career coach with deep roots in the entertainment industry. Along with her renowned private practice, she is the co-founder of scoreBIG, a consulting firm passionate about innovation. Prior to her consulting work, Debbie was, for over twenty years, an established Hollywood film and television producer. She was President of Roland Joffe’s Warner Brothers Company, produced six films, developed many more, and was a Vice-President at Disney.

It is not unusual to hear clients of Debbie Robins exclaim that their lives have been dramatically changed for the better due to their work together. Her passion is helping you create the life you want. She does that through her private coaching practice, corporate consulting company, blog on the Huffington Post, personal advice column in The Washington Times Communities section, and books (best-seller Where Peace Lives and Shovel It! Kick-Ass Advice To Turn Life’s Crap Into The Peace And Happiness You Deserve). Debbie is affiliated with The Rockport Institute of Career Coaching and Counseling in Washington, D.C. and has a Masters degree in Spiritual Psychology from the University Of Santa Monica in Los Angeles.

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BookBites: Hand Me a Wrench

January 3, 2010 by matthewtrefz  
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BookBites: Hand Me a Wrench, My Life is Out of Whack – By Laura Hansen

Overview:
Actually, that wish isn’t far from what is possible in understanding your life and how to live it according to your vision. Hand Me a Wrench, My Life Is Out of Whack reveals the mechanics of our lives, and how to build the life we wish.

Based on Laura Hansen’s over 20 years as a spiritual coach and mentor to tens of thousands of people, her lighthearted approach helps you solve the mysteries of your life. Far beyond “think positive”, Laura’s 10 Life Mechanics exercises and tools show you new, down-to-earth ways to examine the underlying “what,” “how,” and “why” of your life experiences – so that you can truly take charge and make your life your own.

About the Author (See Expert BIOS insert url on LB page)
Laura Hansen is a highly respected spiritual activist, author, TV and radio personality, teacher, intuitive and guide. Her unique work has inspired tens of thousands of people through individual spiritual profiles, teaching, seminars, private coaching, speaking engagements, and the media.

Download chapter www.handmeawrench.com

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For Valentine’s Day: Nina’s ALL time Favorite LOVE BOOK recommends

January 3, 2010 by matthewtrefz  
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For Valentine’s Day: Nina’s ALL time Favorite LOVE BOOK recommends In the Meantime – By Iyanla Vanzant

Iyanla Vanzant offers practical guidance on a wide variety of spiritual matters. In the Meantime will be a revelation to anyone who dreams of finding true love. Vanzant encourages you to use the meantime as an opportunity to prepare yourself for true love. The first order of business is to clean house, starting with the basement–the place in the psyche where you store your most destructive thoughts. Room by room, Vanzant takes you through a metaphorical cleaning of the soul. This way, when your meantime days are over and love finally comes knocking on the front door, you’ll have a clean house to welcome love into.

About the Author
Iyanla Vanzant was born Rhonda Harris on September 3, 1953 in Brooklyn, New York. She graduated summa cum laude in 1983 from Medgar Evers College with a BA in public administration, and obtained her MA in spiritual psychology in 2001 from the University of Santa Monica. She is the founder and president of the Inner Visions Spiritual Life Maintenance Center in Silver Springs Maryland.

In 2000, she was named one of the 100 Most Influential Black Americans by Ebony magazine and in 2001 hosted her own short-lived talk show Iyanla. Three years later, she joined Rhonda Britten on the television series Starting Over as a life coach. She has also been a regular guest on The Oprah Winfrey Show. Her books have appeared five times on the New York Times Bestseller List.

She lives in Maryland with her husband Adeyemi Bandele and has three children, Damon, Gemmia and Nisa.

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